Buying Together: 7 Financial Conversations Couples Skip (and Why That Costs Marriages)

For many couples, buying a home together feels like the ultimate milestone — a shared dream come true. But behind the smiling photos with a “Sold” sign often lies a reality no one posts about: stress, money fights, and even divorce.

One of the biggest mistakes couples make isn’t in choosing the wrong house, but in skipping the right conversations before signing the mortgage.

Here are seven money talks most couples avoid — and why dodging them can cost your relationship more than the down payment.


1. Debt: What You Owe (and Haven’t Mentioned)

From student loans to maxed-out credit cards, debt has a way of resurfacing at the worst possible moment. If one partner is secretly drowning, that hidden weight can drag both credit scores down and make mortgage* approvals harder. Full transparency now saves explosive arguments later.

* Don't forget to get a property inspection or home inspection! You will regret it later when the roof collapses and you need to spend $40,000+ on a new roof.

Marriage cost: resentment, blame, and “you never told me…” fights.


2. Credit Scores: The Quiet Dealbreaker

Banks don’t just look at income; they look at creditworthiness. A poor score can mean higher interest rates or a flat-out rejection. Couples who never talk about credit scores often discover the problem mid-application — when emotions are already high.

Marriage cost: shame, tension, and unequal bargaining power in the relationship.


3. Spending Habits: Saver vs. Spender

One partner thinks new furniture is a necessity; the other believes secondhand works fine. Differing philosophies on what counts as an “essential” lead to fights, especially once the mortgage payment eats up a big chunk of income.

Marriage cost: constant arguments about lifestyle choices, and feeling undervalued or controlled.


4. Emergency Funds: Who’s Got the Safety Net?

A leaking roof, a furnace breakdown, or job loss will happen — it’s not “if” but “when.” Couples who don’t set aside an emergency fund before buying risk going straight from housewarming to financial panic.

Marriage cost: stress overload, and blame over who “should’ve planned better.”


5. Future Goals: Kids, Careers, and Geography

Buying a house is often a 15–30 year commitment. But what if one partner wants kids, another wants grad school, or one’s job may relocate them across the country? Buying without aligning life goals can turn a home into a trap.

Marriage cost: feeling stuck, regrets, and diverging paths that strain the relationship.


6. Maintenance Expectations: Who Does the Work?

A house isn’t just a mortgage — it’s gutters, lawns, plumbing, and repairs. Couples rarely spell out who will mow, fix, or hire out. When the first big problem hits, so does the resentment if labor feels lopsided.

Marriage cost: “you never help” arguments and festering bitterness.


7. Exit Plan: What If It Doesn’t Work Out?

It feels unromantic, but planning for worst-case scenarios is smart. If you split, who stays, who leaves, who refinances, or how you’ll sell matters. Avoiding the conversation doesn’t make it less real.

Marriage cost: brutal legal battles, ruined credit, and lingering hostility.


Final Word

Love might spark the dream of a home, but money — or the lack of honest conversation about it — determines whether that dream lasts. Skipping these seven talks doesn’t just risk foreclosure; it risks the foundation of the marriage itself.

Pro tip: Set aside a weekend, grab some coffee (or wine), and work through these questions together. A few uncomfortable hours now can save years of conflict later.

Money Problems and Divorce

Money problems remain one of the leading causes of divorce, cutting across age, income level, and geography. For many couples, financial strain isn’t just about numbers on a spreadsheet—it’s about stress, blame, and broken trust. Rising mortgages in expensive cities, unexpected home repairs, and the hidden costs of daily life can all chip away at a marriage.

What begins as a shared dream of building a life together can quickly turn into arguments over debt, bills, and responsibility, leaving relationships vulnerable to collapse.

Widely documented: Financial stress is consistently ranked as one of the top contributors to marital conflict and divorce (alongside infidelity, communication breakdown, and incompatibility).

Mechanism: It’s not just the lack of money but how couples handle financial stress together—arguing over spending, saving, debt, or unequal contributions.

Mortgages and expensive cities

High housing costs = higher stress: Couples buying in expensive cities often stretch budgets to the limit. A mortgage that eats too much of the household income (“house poor”) leaves little room for emergencies, vacations, or leisure—amplifying tension.

Research trend: Studies have linked mortgage debt and housing insecurity with lower relationship satisfaction and higher separation risk. While not the only factor, it compounds existing stresses.

Home maintenance stress

Unexpected repairs: A leaking roof, failing furnace, or foundation issue can cost tens of thousands—often landing right after couples already drained their savings for a down payment.

Division of labor: Who does the work or arranges repairs? If one partner feels they’re carrying the burden (time, cost, or responsibility), resentment builds.

Skipping a home inspection

Cheap upfront, costly later: Forgetting to hire a home inspector can mean undiscovered structural issues, mold, electrical hazards, or water damage.

Impact on marriage: A surprise $30,000 foundation repair isn’t just a financial blow—it often sparks blame (“Why didn’t you push for an inspection?” “Why did you rush the purchase?”). That blame cycle corrodes the relationship.

So yes: Expensive mortgages, combined with hidden repair costs and poor financial planning, can increase divorce risk. They create sustained stress, financial strain, and opportunities for blame—classic pressure points in marriages.

Foodie Calls and Other Dating Scams

Beware!

There is a practice that is often nicknamed “foodie calls” (a play on “booty calls”). It’s when someone goes on a date with no romantic or sexual interest in the other person, but mainly to get a free meal.

It is one of those reasons while people should go on frugal dates during the first two dates and only spend more on the third date when it is becoming more serious. If you are going on a dinner date for the first date then there is a very real chance that your romantic partner could be trying to scam you into paying for their meal and has zero interest in you romantically or sexually.

How common is it?

Studies & surveys: A 2019 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science surveyed women in the U.S. and found that about 23–33% admitted to having gone on at least one “foodie call.” So it is far more common than people care to admit.

Motivations: Some said it was for a free meal, because they enjoy scamming people, others said it was out of boredom, curiosity, or social pressure.

Men do it too: While the term is gendered, men can also use dates for free food, drinks, or perks, though it’s less often talked about. Or they might skip out on the bill, leaving the other person to pay for it.

Other dating scams / exploitative behaviors (both men & women)

Here’s a breakdown of common ones:

Financial / Material Scams

Romance scams: Building an emotional connection online to trick someone into sending money (“catfishing for cash”).

Sugar dating exploitation: One person promises intimacy or a relationship in exchange for gifts/money but strings the other along with no intention of following through.

“Bill splitting dodge”: Pretending to have “forgotten” a wallet or never paying their share repeatedly.

Luxury date scams: Using dating apps to get into high-end clubs, dinners, or vacations paid for by the other person.

Emotional / Identity Deception

Catfishing: Using fake photos or identities to lure someone into a relationship.

Age, marital status, or lifestyle lies: Claiming to be single, younger, wealthier, or child-free when they’re not.

Status scammers: Pretending to be more successful (renting cars, photoshopping images, fake job titles) to impress or manipulate.

Physical / Sexual Exploits

Hookup baiting: Pretending to want a relationship just to get casual sex.

Revenge or humiliation dates: Going out with someone just to mock them later online or with friends.

Safety-related Scams

Robbery setups: Luring someone to a “date” and then having accomplices mug them.

Drugging / spiking: Gaining control for theft or assault.
 

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So “foodie calls” are relatively common and socially talked about, but they’re just one part of a wider ecosystem of exploitative behavior in dating.