Is Modern Pop Culture Killing Relationships?

If you strip away the noise, a pattern emerges: a number of modern online trends—aimed at both men and women—don’t just shape expectations about dating, they quietly distort them to the point where real relationships struggle to compete. The issue isn’t that people have standards; it’s that those standards are increasingly built in artificial environments optimized for attention, not reality.

Algorithm-driven dating advice creates caricatures of men and women

Large pockets of online content reduce relationships to formulas: men are told to maximize status, detachment, and optionality; women are told to maximize selectivity and never “settle.” These ideas get reinforced because extreme takes perform better in feeds. Over time, both sides begin to treat dating like a negotiation or competition rather than a cooperative process. The result is predictable—less trust, more defensiveness, and a shrinking willingness to invest emotionally.

Dating apps reward perception over connection

Platforms like Tinder and Hinge turn people into quick-scan profiles. This encourages snap judgments based on photos, status signals, and short prompts. When choice feels endless, people become more disposable to each other. Even when two people might be compatible in real life, they may never meet—or one or both may keep looking for a marginally better option. This creates a paradox: more access, but less commitment.

Social media inflates lifestyle expectations

On platforms like Instagram and TikTok, relationships are often presented as highlight reels—luxury trips, constant romance, flawless partners. These aren’t neutral snapshots; they’re curated performances. When people internalize those images, normal relationships—where people are tired after work, argue occasionally, and grow slowly—start to feel inadequate. That gap between expectation and reality leads to dissatisfaction, even when nothing is fundamentally wrong.

“Main character” thinking weakens compromise

A recurring theme online is the idea that you are the “main character” and should never accept discomfort. There’s some value in self-respect, but taken too far, it erodes one of the core requirements of long-term relationships: compromise. If both people are optimizing solely for their own narrative, the relationship itself becomes secondary. Friction, which is inevitable in any partnership, gets interpreted as a sign to leave rather than something to work through.

Romantasy sets emotionally unrealistic relationship models

The rise of romantasy — popularized by books like A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas — adds another layer. These stories are compelling for a reason: they combine intense romance with high-stakes fantasy. But they often feature idealized partners—powerful, endlessly devoted, emotionally attuned, and willing to risk everything without hesitation. When consumed heavily, especially alongside social media, they can recalibrate expectations. Real partners—who are human, inconsistent, and limited—can start to feel lacking by comparison.

Constant comparison erodes satisfaction

Online spaces make it easy to compare your partner (or lack of one) to thousands of others. There’s always someone richer, more attractive, more exciting. This creates a low-level dissatisfaction that undermines attachment. Instead of investing in the person in front of you, attention drifts toward hypothetical alternatives.


None of these trends are inherently bad on their own. The problem is cumulative.

When algorithmic advice, curated lifestyles, gamified dating, and idealized fiction all point in the same direction, they create a mental model of relationships that reality can’t match.

Real relationships are slower, messier, and less optimized. They require patience, forgiveness, and a willingness to choose one person repeatedly despite imperfections. Online culture, by contrast, rewards immediacy, perfection, and optionality.

That mismatch is why more people feel stuck: not because love is unavailable, but because their expectations have been quietly trained away from what love actually looks like in practice.

Dating Tribalism and Demographics

Dating used to be local; now it is ideological

In earlier eras, most people dated within tight geographic and social circles—school, church, neighbourhood, workplace. Even if people disagreed politically, they still shared:

• similar daily realities
• overlapping communities
• face-to-face accountability

Now, dating is heavily mediated by online spaces where identity is abstracted and amplified. Instead of meeting “a person from your town,” people increasingly encounter:

• “a man” or “a woman” as a category
• political identity first, personality second
• curated profiles shaped by social media aesthetics

Once dating becomes abstract, it becomes easier to sort people into ideological tribes rather than individual humans.
 

Political tribalism turns attraction into suspicion

A major shift in modern dating is that political identity has become shorthand for moral character.

For many people, especially in highly polarized environments, beliefs are no longer “opinions”—they are interpreted as signals of:

• intelligence vs ignorance
• compassion vs cruelty
• safety vs threat

This creates a problem in dating:

Instead of asking “Do I like this person?” people increasingly ask:

“What does this person represent?”

So attraction is filtered through ideological fear. A mismatch in political identity can feel less like disagreement and more like incompatibility of values, even before any real relationship exists.
 

Online ecosystems reinforce gendered hostility

Social media platforms reward content that is emotionally charged and conflict-driven. This includes:

• men’s spaces discussing dating frustration, rejection, or status anxiety
• women’s spaces discussing safety, emotional labor, or commitment anxiety

In isolation, these are legitimate concerns. But algorithmically, they become distorted into:

• “men vs women” narratives
• worst-case generalizations
• viral stereotypes of the opposite sex

Over time, this creates a feedback loop:

• someone has a bad dating experience
• they encounter content that generalizes it
• they adopt a broader distrust of the opposite sex
• that distrust shows up in future dating behavior

This doesn’t need to be universal to have an effect—it only needs to be common enough to shift expectations.
 

Dating apps intensify tribal sorting

Apps like Tinder, Hinge, and others turn dating into a high-speed filtering system.

This affects tribalism in two ways:

A. Identity becomes compressed

People reduce themselves into:

• photos
• job
• brief prompts
• “vibes”

There is little room for gradual discovery or nuance.

B. Choice overload increases selectivity

When people believe there are “always more options,” they become:

• less patient
• more comparative
• more likely to discard early

This doesn’t necessarily create political division directly—but it amplifies the sense that “there must be a better fit somewhere,” which weakens long-term investment.
 

Demographic imbalance changes perceived bargaining power

In many regions, there are real or perceived demographic and behavioral imbalances in dating markets:

• uneven gender ratios in certain age brackets or cities
• differences in education distribution
• differing rates of marriage interest or long-term commitment desire
• migration patterns affecting local dating pools

Even when these imbalances are small, perception matters.

If one group believes they have:

more options
or
less competition
they may become more selective or less willing to compromise.

Meanwhile, the other group may feel:

overlooked
replaced
or forced into competition they didn’t expect

This creates asymmetry in expectations, which can feel like “the sexes are drifting apart,” even if the underlying issue is structural rather than intentional.
 

Romantic expectations are being pulled in opposite directions

Modern culture doesn’t give men and women one shared script—it gives multiple competing ones.

For example:

• some narratives emphasize independence and non-attachment
• others emphasize intense emotional exclusivity
• others emphasize self-optimization before commitment
• others emphasize immediate romantic intensity

The result is misalignment in timing and expectations:

• one person wants slow-building trust
• another expects immediate emotional clarity
• one expects traditional roles
• another rejects them entirely

Even when both people are reasonable, they may be following different cultural “manuals.”
 

The rise of “identity-first dating”

Increasingly, people are not just dating individuals—they are dating representations:

• “a conservative man”
• “a feminist woman”
• “a high-value man”
• “a modern independent woman”

These identities are often shaped more by online discourse than real-world interaction.

Once identity becomes primary, people stop asking:

“Do we get along in practice?”

and start asking:

“Does this person fit my ideological model of a partner?”

That shift makes compromise feel like betrayal of identity rather than relationship maintenance.
 

The feedback loop of disappointment

Put it all together:

• ideological sorting reduces initial openness
• apps increase comparison and disposability
• social media amplifies extremes and stereotypes
• demographic perception alters expectations
• political identity frames disagreement as incompatibility

The result is a reinforcing cycle:

• dating feels harder
• people retreat into their own groups or narratives
• they become more rigid in expectations
• dating feels even harder

This is how “tribalism” becomes self-sustaining without anyone explicitly intending it.


The argument is not that men and women are inherently drifting apart in some biological or permanent sense.

It’s that modern systems—digital platforms, political polarization, and demographic perception—are encouraging people to:

• see each other as categories first
• interpret difference as incompatibility
• and prioritize identity alignment over interpersonal discovery

And when dating becomes a process of sorting tribes rather than meeting individuals, it naturally starts to feel more difficult, more adversarial, and less forgiving than it used to be.

Foodie Calls and Other Dating Scams

Beware!

There is a practice that is often nicknamed “foodie calls” (a play on “booty calls”). It’s when someone goes on a date with no romantic or sexual interest in the other person, but mainly to get a free meal.

It is one of those reasons while people should go on frugal dates during the first two dates and only spend more on the third date when it is becoming more serious. If you are going on a dinner date for the first date then there is a very real chance that your romantic partner could be trying to scam you into paying for their meal and has zero interest in you romantically or sexually.

How common is it?

Studies & surveys: A 2019 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science surveyed women in the U.S. and found that about 23–33% admitted to having gone on at least one “foodie call.” So it is far more common than people care to admit.

Motivations: Some said it was for a free meal, because they enjoy scamming people, others said it was out of boredom, curiosity, or social pressure.

Men do it too: While the term is gendered, men can also use dates for free food, drinks, or perks, though it’s less often talked about. Or they might skip out on the bill, leaving the other person to pay for it.

Other dating scams / exploitative behaviors (both men & women)

Here’s a breakdown of common ones:

Financial / Material Scams

Romance scams: Building an emotional connection online to trick someone into sending money (“catfishing for cash”).

Sugar dating exploitation: One person promises intimacy or a relationship in exchange for gifts/money but strings the other along with no intention of following through.

“Bill splitting dodge”: Pretending to have “forgotten” a wallet or never paying their share repeatedly.

Luxury date scams: Using dating apps to get into high-end clubs, dinners, or vacations paid for by the other person.

Emotional / Identity Deception

Catfishing: Using fake photos or identities to lure someone into a relationship.

Age, marital status, or lifestyle lies: Claiming to be single, younger, wealthier, or child-free when they’re not.

Status scammers: Pretending to be more successful (renting cars, photoshopping images, fake job titles) to impress or manipulate.

Physical / Sexual Exploits

Hookup baiting: Pretending to want a relationship just to get casual sex.

Revenge or humiliation dates: Going out with someone just to mock them later online or with friends.

Safety-related Scams

Robbery setups: Luring someone to a “date” and then having accomplices mug them.

Drugging / spiking: Gaining control for theft or assault.
 

... 

So “foodie calls” are relatively common and socially talked about, but they’re just one part of a wider ecosystem of exploitative behavior in dating. 

 

How to Avoid Mean Guys, aka How Guillermo Aristizabal got me Pregnant and then Dumped Me

Guest Post by Maria López - March 15th 2017.

Hello!

I read your post from last month titled "If He Hasn't Married You By Now, He Isn't Going To" and it got me thinking about an ex of mine and how he was a complete jerk - and how there was no way he was going to marry me and how I should have known better.

Let me summarize.

1. His name is Guillermo Aristizabal. (I know I know, Guillermo even sounds like a douchebag, and he is.)
2. Guillermo Aristizabal lives in Toronto, Canada.
3. We dated for four months and then he got me pregnant.
4. I am pretty sure he got me pregnant on purpose too, as in I suspect he removed the condom on purpose in the dark and got me pregnant on purpose.
5. When he found out I was pregnant in less than a week he cheated on me with my best friend and then dumped me.
6. Guillermo then sent me all sorts of nasty text messages, encouraging me to get an abortion, encouraging me to commit suicide, calling me a slut and a tramp, etc.
7. I did end up having an abortion because I did not want to raise a child alone and I definitely did not want to raise a child when he deliberately got me pregnant and might decide that he wants visitation rights, but the whole experience really turned me off dating older douchebag men.

Since then I have developed a system for only dating men who are NICE.

STEP ONE - Ask how often he visits his parents, phones his parents or otherwise communicates with family (including siblings and other relatives).

Guillermo Aristizabal almost never spoke about his parents/family and in retrospect I should have taken this to be a warning sign that the guy is a psychopath.

The goal of Step One is to only date men who are "family men", who spend a fair amount of time with their families / communicating with them.

STEP TWO - Ask to meet his family and/or friends.

I think Guillermo Aristizabal deliberately avoided introducing me to his friends and family. I even wonder if I was his real "girlfriend" or if I was effectively his mistress that he was sleeping with on the side. Hence why I never met any of his family or friends.

In retrospect that should have been a big warning sign. What kind of man dates a woman for 4 months and doesn't introduce her to some of his friends or family?

The goal of Step Two is to see how he behaves around his family and friends. Does he behave like a jerk? Do his friends secretly hate him? Do they imply jokingly or not that he cheats a lot? Basically this is a testing ground to see if he is secretly a jerk and see how much of his jerkiness comes through when he is relaxed and around friends.

If he doesn't want to introduce you to his friends/family, proceed immediately to step five below.

STEP THREE - Be deliberately super late for a date sometime.

This is to test his patience and anger issues. If he is super angry about you being late, this is a guy worth dumping.

Guillermo Aristizabal always got angry - or at least upset - if I was ever late for a date. He would start freaking out and having a temper tantrum.

Your goal obviously it to test his patience/anger and see how he takes it. A laid back "down to earth" man would not be so worried about you being so late, especially if he really cares about you. But a jerk will just be a jerk about it.

STEP FOUR - Don't be in the mood for sex for once.

Shortly before I got pregnant there was an incident in which I wasn't in the mood for sex and Guillermo Aristizabal got really upset that he was "wasting his time even being there", which tipped me off that he was just there for the sex.

It wasn't long after that incident that I believe he got me pregnant on purpose and then dumped me while he was sleeping with my best friend. (He told her that I had dumped him and that he needed consoling... which was not true, he was just lying through his teeth.)

STEP FIVE - Once you realize he is a jerk, dump him immediately.

Don't wait to do it at a better time. Just dump him immediately and stop wasting your time with him.

Don't do what I did and think you can change him, to try and make him into a better person. You can't. Once a jerk, always a jerk.

Just dump him and get it over with.

STEP SIX - Warn other women about dating this jerk.

That is what I am doing now. Hence why I keep using Guillermo Aristizabal's name. Warning other women to make sure they don't end up dating this jerk. He is a cheater, a liar, and a jerk. I hope he dies old, alone, and lonely - just like a jerk like him deserves.

Augmented Reality Speed Dating Platform

By Rob C.

Inspired by the November 15th 2016, AMA Toronto panel discussion entitled The Future Today: How Marketers Can Leverage Emerging Technologies, I would like to present my ideas on the components necessary in creating a functional AR speed dating solution.

AR = Augmented Reality. If you have already played Pokemon Go, you know how that works. If you have not then check out the short film below, "Sight", which shows what some theorize the future of Augmented Reality might look like.




 

Regarding the AMA Event – held at 345 Adelaide St W after work;  I was impressed by the people I met there and the synergistic ideas in the room regarding overcoming the challenge of getting adopters and making mavens for phone apps and other bits of innovative technology. A top Toronto B2B marketing consultant Tania Stadnik organized the event and introduced the speakers. Personally I was more stimulated by all the hip Toronto event bloggers in the audience, (Shanny, Raymi and Wedding Girl) than I was with the three well know ‘thought leaders’' on stage, Adam Green from Google Canada, Zahra Rajani the VP Digital Experience at Jackman Reinvents, and Kevin Keane from Brainsights.  They're okay but I don't read their stuff the same way I soak up the girl's blogs - but that's me.

In the hour long talk that followed these marketing idealists discussed the many distracting elements of technology which discourage people from adopting new systems and practices that could be very beneficial to their organization. In the hierarchy of change management there are early adopters and mavens at the top and and the slow pokes at the bottom who are still using their blackberries. The secret is to find managers in between that have shared goals and to remove roadblocks at all levels of the enterprise. And of course, the unspoken truth is that the application itself must have a dead simple interface and be easy to use and understand and be immediately rewarding to the user.

Augmented Reality Dating Programs need Facebook API

We here at True Love Bites we been wrapping our brains around how to launch this city’s first augmented reality singles event after seeing the short film, "Sight" ensconced on Laura Bilotta’s Single in the City blog about augmented reality dating and reading there about the call for developers to make apps for the new device.  We have concluded that in order to get any details worth reporting in a wingman app of any description, the software would have to access the massive database of personal information stored at Facebook, failing that Twitter, and after that Instagram.

The short film Sight was created by students Eran May-raz and Daniel Lazo at the Bezalel Academy of Art and Design, the film explores the potentials and hazards of Augmented Reality ‘wingman’ apps. But the amount of data that a male user is seeing could only come from a sophisticated social network like Facebook – no dating profile user is going to put that much information about themselves in a dating profile.

An AR enabled speed dating event however encourages everyone to participate in the tech exercise. Sure there’s the usual wine and cheese and the usual long table with men on one side and women on the other, but this speed dating event is very different. Our Meetup is a smart phone powered free WiFi enabled occasion; app users also need to enable the audio speaker function and share a headset – cool huh? Like the two dogs in the Disney movie Lady and the Tramp eating the spaghetti. 

Everyone’s smart phone must download the AR app, they then sign in using their Facebook profile, which will then comb through their Facebook profiles for mutual interests. So when the app users meet the program will use audio (voice track) to help them more meaningfully explore their commonalities in the few minutes they have together.

Which oddly enough is a bit like Facebook stalking each other at the same time, in person. Whatever.

So let’s walk through this…  At the AR speed dating event, using the technology, the two app users would meet for the first time and rather than exchange pleasantries about their jobs and lives and career aspirations etc. all these boring details, private details, the app would instead remind them both of a café in a remote city where they both ate once, years apart (as per Facebook), and ask them to recall the best thing on the menu, or anything they can remember about the place. In this way, their true personalities are more easily discovered and the exchange is altogether more meaningful. 

The program would also streamline the path for follow-up encounters by suggesting ‘equal distance’ restaurants or other suitable meeting places (maybe some sponsorship opportunities here) and just as it paved the path to friendship, it’s a safe perishable conduit that’s easily terminated by one or the other party if they do not like each other after their first date.

It’s a far cry from what’s possible with the contact lens powered equipment seen in the short film "Sight", but its safer too – it’s a simple Facebook API powered AR solution.  Developers? Are you working on this? Please comment below if you have ideas about creating a dating AR interface.

Politics, Love, Trumpites and Dealbreakers

So... Donald Trump is the president elect.

Now imagine going on a first date with a Trumpite (Trump supporter) and not knowing that they are a Trump supporter when you agreed to the first date on POF, OKCupid or whatever personals website you use.

Depending on your political leanings, someone being a Trump supporter might be a Dealbreaker for you. (Dealbreakers are things you learn about a potential mate that cause you to want to dump them immediately. After all if you spot something wrong with them that will ultimately ruin the relationship, don't you owe it to yourself - and them - to break it off immediately?)

Or maybe you really love Trump (which makes you a Trumpite) and dating a fellow Trumpite sounds like an exciting prospect to you. And dating a Hillary supporter or any other sane person messes with your insane-Trump-loving brain.

Thus there a number of things people should check before they even go on a first date.

Possible Dealbreakers

#1. Are they a Trumpite?

#2. Are they a smoker?

#3. Are they an alcoholic or a drug addict?

#4. Do they support a woman's right to choose?

#5. Are they an omnivore? (Because dating a vegan can sometimes be a dealbreaker, while some vegans refuse to date omnivores.)

#6. Are they poor? (For golddiggers, this can be a dealbreaker if they only want to marry a rich person.)

#7. Are they gainfully employed? (For people who want to avoid golddiggers, this can be a dealbreaker if the other person doesn't even have a job.)

#8. Do they have any STDs? (Seriously, people need to be more upfront about this.)

#9. Are they a racist bigot / anti-semite / sexist pig? (Although the difference between this and a Trumpite is very little.)

#10. Are they just really stupid and stupid people annoy you? (Again, Trumpites...)



In other news, here are some amusing Trump memes.

Five Tips for Restaurant Dates

Tip #1. Never take your date to a fast food restaurant where there is a high chance the staff spit on the food. The only saliva in your date's mouth should be yours and theirs. Find a place more upscale where you are expected to tip the waiter.

Tip #2. On a first date men and women should do two things:

(1) Split the bill at the restaurant; (Arguably the best way to split the bill is to bring cash, although some people prefer debit or credit. Bring both.)

(2) Understand that if a man pays for everything and then expects a woman to automatically have sex with him, that basically makes her a prostitute. By splitting the bill (going Dutch) it also makes it clear the woman is interested in the man, and not in his money. If the man pays for everything and becomes really pushy about having sex, that coerciveness technically makes any sex that follows to legally count as "date rape". Smart women pay half. Smart men who want to be loved for being themselves, and not resort to paying for sex / date rape, should also pay half. And if a woman doesn't like it when a man wants to go Dutch, that woman is a golddigger and not worth dating.

Traditionalists may not want to hear these things, but hey date rape, prostitution, and golddiggers are all very traditional.

Tip #3. Chivalry isn't dead. Pull out the chair for the lady and help her out of her jacket. Chivalry is one tradition worth keeping.

Tip #4. Tip the waiter. Even if the service was bad.

10% for bad service.
15% for good service.

Tip #5. Polite dinner conversation. There are certain topics you should never discuss at a restaurant while on a date. Politics, religion, abortion, alien conspiracy theories, dead animals, murder, etc. If those topics come up by accident don't avoid the topic, but steer the conversation elsewhere.

So-Called "Nice Guys" and the Real Reason Why "Nice Guys" Finish Last

By Suzannah Weiss

On the ride home from a date spent struggling through a conversation with a guy I had very little in common with, he turned to me from the driver’s seat and asked, “So, want to do this again some time?”

I was genuinely confused by his suggestion.

He had spent the majority of our dinner at Applebee’s talking about his workout routines and the caloric content of the menu items; I was a Gender and Sexuality Studies student writing my thesis on how gender stereotypes contribute to eating disorders. It seemed like a horrible match.

“Honestly,” I said, “I’m not sure if we’d have much to talk about.”

“Do you mean all of that was for nothing?” he asked, taking me aback. “This always happens.”

“And what girls don’t realize is, I’m actually a nice guy,” he went on. “Most of the guys you dated before, you know, were probably just trying to pop you.” (I still cringe at that phrase.)

The unfortunate thing is, he actually succeeded in guilting me into a second date. At the time, I wasn’t well versed in what a self-identified “nice guy” (also sometimes known in feminist circles as Nice Guys™) actually was: someone who feels entitled to women for his supposed kindness.

I now know that Nice Guy™ behavior– which is based on one’s sense of superiority stemming from one’s “nice guy” status and usually accompanied by indignation when women reject the “nice guy” – is actually a telltale sign that someone is not nice.

While others may exhibit similar behavior, regardless of gender or orientation, “nice guys” are typically men who date women, since the entitlement they feel has misogynistic roots.

Since my first run-in with Nice Guy Syndrome™, I’ve encountered more “nice guys” who use similar arguments to advocate for themselves – statements I now view as red flags.

Here are a few popular claims made by “nice guys” and what you need to know if someone says them to you.

1. ‘You Owe Nice Guys a Chance’

“Nice guys” might claim that they deserve your consideration for being so nice.

We hear this not just from “nice guys” themselves, but also from other people who give us relationship advice. If only you would just give that nice guy a chance, popular wisdom goes, he might surprise you.

The pop culture trope of the dogged nice guy doesn’t help either: Movies and TV are full of “nice” men who finally obtain the leading lady’s affections through perseverance once she realizes how nice he is (think Ross in Friends or Lenny in The Big Bang Theory).

But even if someone actually is nice, you may not want to date him for a number of reasons: You have nothing in common, you’re not attracted to him, you don’t really want to date anyone, and so on.

All these reasons are valid.

Being nice is not a ticket to a date with a person of your choice. And if he believes it is, he doesn’t respect your autonomy – which is not nice.

2. ‘Nice Guys Finish Last – Because Women Like Bad Boys’

“Nice guys” often evoke notions of fairness when they complain about being passed over. One guy I met on OKCupid even told me it was “unjust” that women didn’t respond to his messages.

Sending messages out into the ether is a struggle all OKCupid users can relate to – but most of us don’t consider this paucity of replies “unjust” because we don’t feel entitled to a message in the first place.

As the Tumblr Nice Guys of OKCupid demonstrates, there’s a notable correlation between guys who call themselves “nice” in their profiles and guys with misogynistic entitlement complexes.

Like many of OKCupid’s nice guys, this online dater complained that he gets overlooked while less-nice guys who don’t deserve women’s affections are more popular. This is a widespread stereotype: women like bad boys.

The belief that women like jerks contains hints of misogyny because it stems from the stereotype that women want to be dominated and controlled. While some women may date men who are domineering because our culture prescribes that this is what they should want, “nice guys” often make this accusation against women who aren’t seeking out jerks.

More often, they’re saying “women like bad boys” to discount other reasons women might pass them up. Accusing women of rejecting them just because they’re not jerks is a convenient way for them not to examine themselves.

Regardless, the assumption that people should be awarded dates according to how nice they are, with good people getting many and jerks getting very few, simply doesn’t reflect how dating works. Human beings are not rewards for kindness.

Sometimes, nice people struggle with their love lives. Sometimes, not-so-nice people have an easier time. This may seem unfair, but the whole concept of fairness is irrelevant when personal choices are concerned.

You do not have to be an equal-opportunity dater.

3. ‘Nice Guys Get Stuck in the Friend Zone’

Some men complain that women only want to be their friends when they would make such great boyfriends (better boyfriends, they often point out, than the “bad boys” their friends date).

Once again, pop culture reinforces this belief. The dogged “nice guy” in shows like Friends and The Big Bang Theory is often a friend mistakenly overlooked as a romantic prospect.

Viewers are supposed to think it was dense of the woman to not realize that the love she sought was in front of her the whole time.

And even when the nice guy accepts his “friend” status, he is often rewarded for his patience when she realizes he was what she wanted all along (think of Gordo in Lizzie McGuire).

Stories of friends who get together can be sweet, and unrequited crushes on friends are always painful, but there are plenty of valid reasons not to date a friend. Someone who is a great friend for you may not be the best boyfriend for you, and that’s okay. And even if he could hypothetically be a good boyfriend, you may just not feel that way about him, and that’s okay too.

If someone harbors any hostility toward you for “only” wanting to be his friend, he’s probably not the best friend or boyfriend. Your friendship is not a consolation prize – and the idea of being relegated to friend status hinges on the notion that he was expecting more in the first place.

And his friendship is not a bargaining token. It should be given freely without expecting anything in return except mutual friendship.
4. ‘Nice Guys Are Rare Gems’

“Nice guys” usually oppose themselves to “most guys.”

Like the “nice guy” from my Applebee’s date, they think other men are just trying to manipulate women into sex, while they are the saviors who actually care about women.

The irony is that many of them use this supposed caring to manipulate women into sex or dating.

There are plenty of men who respect the women they date, and they’re rarely found talking about how nice they are. They assume it’s a given that they won’t pressure anyone into sex or otherwise mistreat them. They don’t think they deserve a badge reading “Nice Guy” for that basic courtesy.

Kind men aren’t as rare as so-called “nice guys” would like you to think. They’re just not shouting from the rooftops that they’re “nice guys.”
5. ‘Nice Guys Are Nice for Even Noticing You’

Many women are taught that because of their appearance, race, ability status, or other traits, they are undesirable, so people are doing them a favor for paying any attention to them at all, even if they’re disrespectful or abusive.

“Nice guys” exploit this belief to manipulate women.

For example, a “nice guy” may tell a fat woman she’s lucky to have earned his affections when he could date someone thinner – and that she should put up with his disrespect because she can’t do better.

This tactic isn’t limited to any demographic, though; “nice guys” will use any trick to convince you they’re nice for dating you and you’re lucky to date them.

But you’re never lucky to date someone who feels he is above you.

There are people out there who will not act like they’re doing you a favor and instead will feel as lucky to be with you as you feel to be with them.
6. ‘Practicing Basic Human Decency Makes Me a Nice Guy’

Our culture over-classifies men as nice guys, and the effects of this undue admiration are dangerous.

Our low standards for men manifest in a number of ways: In addition to applauding men for taking on parenting duties that are expected of women, we praise them for sexual conduct that should be mandatory, not praiseworthy.

I remember seeing a movie called Fish Tank with a guy I was dating in college. In one scene, the main character – a teenage girl – was partially undressed and asleep. When her mom’s boyfriend tucked her in, paused as if considering doing more, then left, my date turned to me and said, “Oh, he’s a good guy.”

I was confused. If refraining from sexual assault makes someone a “good guy,” what do regular guys do?

If my date’s own behavior was any indication, believing that basic human decency makes someone a “good guy” means that men can get away with a whole lot before becoming bad guys.

I learned this later that day, when we were hanging out in my room.

We started kissing, as we’d done before, and when he reached for my shirt button, I told him I wasn’t ready for that – something I’d told him before. After I thought that was settled, I saw a lascivious grin on his face and realized he had unbuttoned my shirt without me noticing. After I pulled away, he apologized.

“At least you stopped,” I reassured him, confused myself about what was and wasn’t acceptable.

“I guess it’s just a guy thing,” he replied.

It made sense, really. If someone who cares about consent is a nice guy, someone who doesn’t is just a guy.

Men deemed nice guys for refraining from sexual assault are all over the media. In Animal House, when a girl is about to sleep with one of the protagonists but then passes out drunk, a devil and angel appear on his shoulder. “Fuck her brains out!” the devil yells, but he opts for the angel’s position and takes her home. The implication: Not raping is angelic. Another implication: It takes willpower not to rape.

Men who praise other men for not raping hold an attitude that may actually make them more likely to be sexually abusive: that sexual assault is an impulse, and resisting it requires moral fortitude.

A truly nice person does not have the impulse to rape. He views sexual assault as a crime and a trauma, not an unfortunate slip-up, and certainly not as a “guy thing.”

When we praise men for practicing basic codes of conduct like consent, we make failure to adhere to these standards the norm.
7. ‘Nice Guys Are Nice’

Because they hold all the beliefs above, “nice guys” are not kind people.

They manipulate, objectify, and sometimes abuse women, all while using their “nice guy” status to excuse their own behavior.

And at their extreme, “nice guys” can be violent.

Last year, a 22-year-old man killed several people and himself because, like many “nice guys,” he found it unjust that women did not show him interest.

“I’ve been forced to endure an existence of loneliness, rejection, and unfulfilled desires all because girls have never been attracted to me,” he complained in a video he taped before the shooting. “Girls gave their affection and sex and love to other men, but never to me.”

While it’s unclear what other factors contributed to this horrific crime, he impeccably fit the profile of the “nice guy.” He described himself as an “ideal, magnificent gentleman” who deserved the attention of women who went after jerks instead.

While most ramifications of the “nice guy’s” attitude are less extreme, this incident demonstrates how the beliefs held by nice guys can be hurtful at best and truly dangerous at worst.

***

Whether Nice Guy Syndrome™ manifests as arguing with a woman on the way home from a date, touching her without her permission, or committing a violent crime, it dehumanizes women.

In a “nice guy’s” world, women are merely rewards for decent behavior, and the standards for decent behavior are very low.

One tell-tale sign that someone’s not a nice guy is that he tries to use his “nice guy” status as leverage to get what he wants or evidence that he deserves it. He may simply complain about a dearth of messages in his OKCupid inbox, but he could also be capable of worse.

I learned this the hard way. I didn’t feel empowered to stand up to “nice guys” because I felt guilty for hurting their feelings. But they don’t deserve our guilt.

You always have the right to say “no” when someone tries to pressure you into a situation you don’t like. If he makes you feel like you owe him anything, the shame is on him, not you. Despite what he says, he doesn’t have the moral high ground.

Fortunately, genuinely nice people know this.

You’ll know you’ve found a truly nice guy when you feel no obligation toward him and no remorse for rejecting him. He will demand no explanation for your decision not to date or sleep with him because he respects your autonomy. He’d rather make sure you feel safe than make sure he feels desired. And when he is desired, your desire will be genuine, not something forced out of you by manipulative lies.

These guys are worth waiting for, but they don’t deserve a badge of honor. They’re simply offering you basic respect. And despite what “nice guys” might say, you deserve that respect and owe nothing in return.

Would you date a deaf person?

COMMUNICATION SKILLS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Years ago I dated a deaf girl. For me this was not too big of a deal, as I already have hearing difficulties. So it was like one deaf person who knew sign language dating one partially deaf person who was learning sign language. Communication for us was not the problem. What I discovered early in the relationship it was her religiousness and clingy-ness that bothered me. Being religious and clingy is not a good combination.

Communication for us included a combination of sign language and writing / typing things down when it was too complicated to discuss using my limited knowledge of sign language. Note - I studied sign language for years before I met her. My interest in sign language dated back to making a male friend in university who was deaf and this sparked my interest in learning the language.

For me, since I have suffered from hearing damage since the age of 12, learning sign language also seemed like a logical step in case I ever needed it in the future. What if I went deaf sometime in the future and was no longer able to communicate so easily. I would need to learn how to read lips, sign language and so forth.

Much more likely I am probably going to need hearing aids as I get older, in which case I am in luck because I already know an audiologist in Mississauga, who has a hearing clinic in Oakville and another hearing center in Vaughan near Woodbridge. Very nice guy who checked my ears over a year ago to see how bad the damage had gotten.

At the time I was single and I began thinking "What if I went deaf? Who would date a deaf guy?" Well obviously deaf women would be willing to date me, but that really limits my options.

In the past during first dates I have sometimes mentioned my hearing difficulties and I have found that some women react poorly to the idea of dating a guy whom they would sometimes have to repeat what they said in a louder voice or stop mumbling so much.

The one girl got really upset when I explained that she mumbles a bit and that it was difficult for me to hear exactly what she was saying. Which is perhaps understandable. Maybe she got teased as a child for having a speech impediment.

In which case you would think she would have more sympathy for the kid who got teased for having hearing difficulties. But apparently not.

I don't mind telling the story of how my hearing got damaged. It is a funny story involving trespassing and someone shooting at me. If the topic of funny stories comes up it is a story I am not ashamed to tell.

But I do wonder if some women react badly to the idea of dating someone who is either deaf or has hearing damage.

I also firmly believe that if I wore a hearing aid that this would be considered a flaw in my visual appearance by some women and they would refuse to date a person who wears a hearing aid.

So my question for people out there is

"Would you date a person who is deaf or has hearing difficulties? Why or why not?"

Please leave your answers in the comments.

5 Ways to Spot a Serial Dater

Note - I should also make a post called "5 Ways to Spot if your Date is a Serial Killer".

Anywho a Serial Dater is a person who goes on lots of first dates, but rarely has a 2nd date. Basically if you go on a first date with a serial dater you are just wasting your time because right away they have zero interest in having a relationship with you (because they are commitment-phobes).

Here is how to spot them and avoid them.

#1. Serial Daters love meeting people for coffee or tea. They don't have to spend much on the date, it has zero commitment (because serial daters are afraid of commitment) and if their first impressions are poor they can use a Fake Out ("Oh oh I just got a text and my dog is sick. I need to leave...").
So Lesson 1, NEVER meet anyone for coffee or tea. If they are so afraid of commitment that they cannot commit to a real date, don't even bother with them. They will just waste your time.

#2. Serial Daters love using the Fake Out. Any excuse for them to leave in the middle of a date and then never talk to you again. Often the excuse will be the equivalent of "My dog ate my homework." but more likely you will get the "My roommate just broke up with her boyfriend and I need to go console her."

People that use the Fake Out basically just want to meet you in person so they can see whether your photos were real and then have an escape plan if you are not up to their standards and/or they find you boring. So Lesson 2, never meet anyone for a date unless they are genuinely interested in you and it is clearly obvious in your communications together (email, text, phone, skype, whatever).

#3. Serial Daters don't like spending much time talking back and forth. They just chat a little bit and then quickly pop the tea/coffee question.

So Lesson 3, don't meet anyone right away. Exchange longer messages / emails first to see how talkative and interesting they are. And if they are genuinely interested in you they will want a more romantic first date than crappy coffee/tea. See Lesson 2 over again.

#4. Serial Daters are sometimes looking for one night stands. On the 2nd date... Sometimes the 1st date but often the 2nd. It is a weird phenomenon, but lets pretend you make it past the coffee date and they do want a 2nd date. The 2nd date will be something friskier and usually end up at YOUR place. Why your place? I think it is because bringing yoi home to their place sounds like too much commitment. Then you know where they live and can just drop by whenever you want and that sounds like commitment to them.

Thus let us pretend you convince them to have a date other than a coffee date (eg. You have a picnic at the beach instead and it goes well, and possibly includes kissing and light petting.) When asked about a 2nd date the Serial Dater will typically refuse to give a definite answer and will say "we can discuss it later" and then you never hear from them again.

But the other possibility is that they do want you for sex (at least once) and then you make it to the 2nd date, you have sex, and then you either never hear from them again or they give you some lame excuse for why they cannot see you again. More often you just won't hear from them again.

Now you might think "Wow, the pressure is on to make that one night of sex really good." and you are partially right. But if it is too good they might think you are some kind of weird freaky sex fiend, and decide you are obsessed with sex.

So Lesson 4, don't have sex on the 2nd date. I know that may seem counterintuitive to some people out there who love having sex on the first or second date, but trust me on this one. Do a really good job on the 2nd date, kissing, maybe some heavy petting - but stick to foreplay or less because you want to make them WAIT for the third date. Call it "playing hard to get", but if you can get them to go on the third date then BAM, third date equals commitment. (3rd date is also the best date to have sex too. Delay any longer and people get bored.)

#5. Serial Daters usually don't have a good track record of long term relationships. Often they just date date date different people, sometimes fill their loneliness with an one night stand and then go back to serial dating again. So how do you determine which people have a bad track record?

Lesson 5, ask the following questions BEFORE you agree to a first date.

When was the last time you had a long term relationship and how long did it last?

Your longest relationship, how long did it last?

It doesn't really matter how they answer these questions because they could be lying. What matters is what they do when they realize you are looking for a long term relationship. Any commitment-phobe who is remotely honest with themselves will come up with an excuse to cancel the first date so they don't need to meet you. The delusional commitment-phobes will still want to meet you because they are in denial about being a Serial Dater and like to pretend they want a long term relationship.

But hey, Lesson 5 should cut the number of Serial Daters you meet roughly in half.

Exercise and Common Lies people post on Personals

Ever read a profile on a personals website and the person lists the following as exercise activities they enjoy regularly?

1. Long walks (exploring the city, by the beach, etc)
2. Yoga
3. Hiking (implies long walks in the wilderness)
4. Biking or cycling
5. Weightlifting
6. Martial arts (any kind)

Chances are likely the following things are true:

The person rarely goes for long walks and are just saying that because they want the appearance of being active.

They probably so own a yoga mat, but it spends most of its time collecting dust.

They don't know what real hiking is and they are saying hiking because they think their ideal mate should be outdoorsy.

They own a bicycle but only ride it once in awhile - never on bike trails, never downtown, just 3 - 10 times per year on quiet streets or down by the beach.

It is typical guy thing to say they do weightlifting - it means they have dumbbells but probably don't use them often. Much more rare for women to say they do weightlifting.

Any time a man says he does martial arts it mean he took one class years ago and has probably forgotten everything.

EXCEPTIONS TO THESE GENERALIZATIONS

• They have actual photos of them doing these activities.
• They make a big deal about talking about the activity in their profile. (Yoga is my life, I cannot live without it!)
• They listed "yoga instructor" as their occupation.
• They are a rarity and were not lying about their activities. Otherwise you can assume most of them are exaggerating how often they do an activity.

In some cases it is the person lying to themselves. They WISH they were more active. Which is true for most of us.

Do's and Don'ts of Dating Vegans and Vegetarians

So... You're dating a vegetarian or vegan eh? Well here are some handy do's and don'ts for making your relationship go smoothly.

Do take your date out to various vegan / vegetarian restaurants on a regular basis. So for example if they're a raw vegan, take them out to a raw vegan restaurant like Rawlicious once in awhile.

Do not complain about the food when eating at a vegan / vegetarian restaurant. When in doubt, just order a smoothie.

Do make an effort to eat more vegetarian food when socializing with your date.

Do not start arguments by pointing out your date is wearing leather boots.

Do realize you will likely end up living in the Vegan Village in Toronto or some place similar if the two of you buy a house together.

Don't mock their food choices. Being a vegan or vegetarian is often an ethical decision for people and is practically their religion.

Do have picnics whenever the weather is good for it. Picnics can be a surprisingly frugal way of "dining out" together.

Don't make a big deal about things that are obviously an issue for them. Just stop worrying about it and be "easy going", "down to earth" and whatever other things you claimed to be in your personals profile.

Do avoid talking about food too much. Basically don't talk about it unless they bring up the topic.

Don't take them to a normal restaurant on a first date. Try to accommodate and show some interest in their food choices.

Do try to fall in love with them, not some idealized version of them.

Learning Your Lessons when it comes to Dating

One of the biggest mistakes people make in dating is not learning from their mistakes. They behave stubbornly, selfishly, they date the wrong type of person, they try to control the relationship too much, they get into bed too quickly or withhold sex too much, they nitpick every detail, they try and change their partner instead of accepting who they are...

But if they're not recognizing what they did wrong then they never learn from their mistakes.

Here is 3 Examples...

In 2000 I dated a young woman who was essentially browsing the local cuisine. She and I broke up and got back together 17 times in a period of less than a week. It took me years to later realize I was basically just sampling the cuisine too. She and I were too different, like fire and water. The lessons? #1. Don't waste your time if you're just browsing and #2. Don't waste your time with people who are quickly and obviously your opposite. Opposites may attract, but they don't make good lovers.

In 2001 a young woman moved in with me after less than a month. She later turned to be childish, spoiled rotten and unemployed. I quickly discovered I lacked the patience to live with someone who made me miserable and drained my financial resources. Lessons Learned? Avoid spoiled rotten gold diggers.

In 2004 I met a woman who was studying French and she became interested in me because I spoke French (C'est un beau langage!), however my advances were wasted on her because she basically just wanted free French lessons. Lessons Learned? Look for the clues that this person just wants to be friends.

The point I am making here is that you have to learn from your mistakes so you can avoid making the same mistakes over again. Older and wiser, I find my relationships last a lot longer and I have less worries about running into incompatible people because I am better at screening them for faults.

The Pre Date Phone Call - Screening your Dates Beforehand = Judgement Time

Ah, the good ol' pre date phone call.

Ever done this?

Basically the person you are planning to have a first date with wants to hear the sound of your voice and have a conversation to see if you are compatible.

For me this is a great way to weed out people I would find exceptionally annoying to talk to in real life.

I will cite a specific example here:

"Samantha" called me up while I was having a texting conversation with her. Apparently she was getting impatient and wanted to speak with me right away. I didn't even get to finish my text about zombies. Oh well.

During the ensuing phone conversation I began to notice a number of annoying traits about this woman.

#1. She got upset way too easily, over even minor things. (Which means it is really easy to push her buttons.)

#2. She came off as a bit of a braggart and egotistical - which is never a desirable trait. (I am not perfect either, but I do have a decent sense of humility.)

#3. My talkativeness made her anxious and annoyed - as did my apparent ability to guess what she was about to say next. (Honestly, I have gotten very good at guessing what people will say next. If that is my superpower it is apparently an annoying one.)

#4. My impression was that she was both a hypocrite and very judgmental, stating that she doesn't like judgmental people - and yet was being judgmental herself. When I pointed this out later on she got very upset. And when I explained that "Everyone is judgmental all the time. When you pick up a piece of cheese you are judging whether it is good to eat." she tried to argue that people aren't constantly judging everything they see, hear, smell, etc. At which point I explained yes they are. Because their brain interprets the data they receive from all the senses / etc and then makes a judgment call based on what it knows already. "This cheese smells like bad cheese. Time to throw it out because I think it has gone bad." The cheese has been judged. Even if the cheese smelled good then it would still get a judgment, but then it would be a positive one. "This cheese smells good. Time to make grilled cheese sandwiches!"

By the time I had determined #4 I knew this woman was not for me - in fact I daresay she is probably a mental headcase who is not ready to be dating anyone for a long term period.

How do I know this? Because the conversation was reminding me of an ex I had several years ago who was so judgmental and argumentative that I eventually broke up with and the reason I gave for the breakup was because I was extremely unhappy whenever I was with her.

I am serious, she was making me miserable because I couldn't have a normal conversation with her without her starting an argument. (So if I was already getting this from a mere 50 minute phone call then it was a pretty bad sign this woman was not for me.)

I think it might have something to do with my parents arguing a lot when I was a kid - argumentative people, the kind who deliberately argue for the sake of arguing, really grate on my nerves.

Which is why I contend that Samantha (and other extremely argumentative women like her) are not suitable for dating anyone. No one. Period.

Same goes with men who have the same sort of personality.

Now you might think "Oh but it takes two to tango. You can't have an argument if only one person is arguing."

Yes, you can. Both my parents have done it many times and I have personally witnessed it many times. It only takes one person to start an argument - and then just need to be in a deliberately argumentative mood.

As opposed to a person who is simply argumentative ALL THE TIME.

What it makes me realize is that there should almost be some kind of CONVERSATION ETIQUETTE that we can teach people in order to make them socialize better and lead them away from their argumentative tendencies.

For example things like "Don't bring up politics, religion or abortion."

However at the same time if those topics are such a big deal maybe it is better to get them out of the way in an hurry. Get it over and done with. Rip the bandaid off in one swift motion.

This is why "Judgement Time" (as I like to call it) or the "Pre Date Phone Call" is such an awesome way to screen potential dates.

Especially if you realize the person on the other end is an egotistical braggart / hypocrite and you start deliberately pressing their buttons.

Which I wholly admit to. Near the end of the call I was deliberately (but politely) pushing her buttons to make her realize what a hypocritical jackass she was.

I can be a jackass too, but at least I admit to it. It is the phonies that irritate me.

Being judgmental is NOT a bad thing. Making judgment calls about potential romantic partners just means you are trying to gauge people and then make a decision. There is nothing wrong with that.

However I will say that you should never judge too quickly. Wait and see first. When in doubt you should always try to test out whether the other person truly is the jackass you suspect them to be before giving them the proverbial boot.

Chewing Gum = Prepare to get Kissed

If a girl starts chewing gum near the end of a first date it means she is expecting the guy to kiss her.

It took me years to figure this one out so I am writing it down and passing on this bit of wisdom to you.

Which means, if you follow this logical reasoning that you can use chewing gum as a way to determine whether the girl wants to be kissed at the end of the date...

Here goes...

The date seems to be going well and it is near the end. The guy reaches into his pocket and offers the girl a piece of chewing gum. He then takes one for himself.

If the girl accepts the gum it means she is worried her breathe might smell bad and she has every intention of kissing you before the end of the first date.

If she refuses the gum... Yeah, your chances just dropped suddenly. Maybe she doesn't like gum, or doesn't like the flavour you offered her... so it is possible she still wants to kiss you, but the chances are likely that she won't since most women on a date are going to be self-conscious about possible bad breath.

If she takes out the gum first - and even offers you one - well that is a clear signal right there!

Note also that chewing gum also signals she may not just want a simple kiss on the lips - she is more likely to be wanting french kissing!

How to Find Happiness and True Love

Can you find happiness and true love in a relationship?

Are you looking for a partner to make you happy or complete you?

Is your relationship less than satisfactory and you are wondering how to improve it?

Often we find it impossible to meet our dream guy or find happiness with a man simply because we are looking in the wrong place.

When we look for love, we proceed to look for someone whom we find loveable. Then we try to train him to be the person that we want him to be – a person whom we can continue to love.

How do we do this? Usually, by creating a scene and letting him know how upset we are when he doesn’t behave as we wish. By this he learns that when he exhibits this behaviour we won’t be pleased and we are certainly going to let him know it in the future.

If he’s the type of guy that wants to make us happy, then he stops doing it. Or perhaps he just goes underground and does it in secret next time. Either way, he is probably going to feel some resentment towards us.

When our guy is loveable i.e. he is doing what we want and acting in accordance with our wishes and beliefs, then we find it easy to love him. But there are also the times that we find this difficult. When he is not being loveable, we may find ourselves feeling critical of him or even harbouring unpleasant negative feelings. We may even want him to suffer, because after all, he has made us suffer, hasn’t he?

So, how do we turn this less than satisfactory situation into true love and happiness? Well the first step is realising that a man cannot make you happy, no matter how much he wants to or you want him to. Whilst you will feel happiness with your partner at times, another person will never complete you. You see, happiness is a state of mind and comes from within.

You can see this by considering how you may react to the same situation depending on how you feel at the time. Imagine your man comes home from work and he has had a bad day. You ask him to take out the garbage and he completely ignores you. As he slumps in the chair in front of the TV you can see that he is feeling bad and you rush over to help soothe his feelings.

Now, the same thing happens on another day. Only this time you’ve had a bad day yourself. This time, you were hoping for some comfort from him. When he ignores you, you feel neglected and unloved. You let him know how you feel and an argument ensues. Communication breaks down and the rest of the evening is ruined.

So, now we have established that a man is not able to make us happy. Happiness comes from within and is about you making the choice to be happy despite your external circumstances.

It is about taking responsibility for your own feelings and not expecting your man to conform to everything that you want. It is not about the perfect relationship but about focusing on the positives in the relationship rather than the negatives.

It is very hard to love someone else unless you love yourself first. This is because the way you love your man is a reflection of your own needs and beliefs around love and how it should or shouldn’t be.

Unconditional acceptance of yourself as well as your partner is the only way to find unconditional love in your life. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should put up with a partner who treats you badly.

So, yes you can find happiness in a relationship. But only if you are happy on your own first. If you are looking for love then you must start by loving yourself. Unless you can do this you will never be able to allow love in fully.

You must take responsibility for your own happiness by examining your own beliefs and reactions and how they serve you. And you must accept your man and allow him to be the person he is. Only when all these things come together with a man who loves you and wants to make you happy will you be able to say that you have found true love.

Breaking Up With An Overly Attached Girlfriend

Relationship dating humour from "Jimmy".

College Relationships

In the video below CollegeHumor tackles the topic of the types of people you meet in college/university and what it is like dating them.

How to Fake It and get into their Pants

There are lots of books out there selling tricks designed to help men get into the pants of women.

Honestly, it largely comes down to acting sincere.

And sincerity is pretty hard for some men to master.

Basically it comes down to things like...

Looking into a woman's eyes and actually paying attention to what she is saying (instead of ogling her breasts).

Actually listening to what she is talking about and pretending to be interested.

Showing positive body language that shows you are interested in every word she says (instead of fidgeting with your cellphone, playing with your ring or hair, staring off into the distance...).

Make her the centre of your attention - not her body, but her mind first.

Be considerate and polite and show her that you are there for her and her alone. (And rescue kittens in trees, help elderly people across the street etc.)

Basically it is a long list of things like that designed to trick women into thinking this man is for real, he really does like her, that he really does care, listen, is kind, considerate, polite and the perfect man.

Taken all together and assuming she is the least bit attracted to the man, this combination of things will cause most women [by most I mean the vast majority of them, the exact percentage is unknown because it can't be scientifically proven] to be wanting to jump the poor guy before the date is over.

In contrast are much easier to seduce.

Or at least unmarried men. Married men and men who are in a committed loving relationship (practically married) are no doubt much harder because you also need to provide extreme temptation and assurance that they will not get caught.

Otherwise it is pretty simple because men are so simple.

#1. Flirt with him, show some cleavage, try to touch his arm or leg and he will get the hint.

#2. Suggest that the two of you go someplace private.

#3. If his blood is red and he doesn't have anything physically wrong with him he should be hot to trot and ready to ride.

In contrast there is no shortage of how to books on seduction of women - not because women are complicated, but because men are clueless.