12 Funny Relationship Tips about Communicating

Never go to bed angry—stay up and argue like champions until at least 2 a.m. so you both forget what started it.

If you’re both hungry, you’re not in a relationship—you’re in a temporary war zone. Feed yourselves immediately.

The phrase “Do whatever you want” never means what it sounds like. Proceed with extreme caution.

Apologize early, apologize often, and occasionally for things you’re not entirely sure you did.

If your partner says they’re “fine,” they are not fine. This is a test. You are already failing.

Choose your battles wisely. For example: is this really worth sleeping on the couch over a thermostat setting?

Learn your partner’s coffee order like it’s sacred knowledge. This alone can save entire days.

Compliments are free, but somehow still underused. Deploy them like a genius strategist.

If you win an argument, you probably just lost something more important.

Don’t try to fix every problem. Sometimes your job is just to nod and say, “Yeah, that’s ridiculous.”

Remember: you’re not dating a mind reader. Use words. Actual, clear, human words.

The real secret to a long relationship? Both people pretending they’re the lucky one.

 

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! 

12 Romantic Couples Halloween Costume Ideas

Clock & Time Traveler Who Broke It

Haunted Painting & The Person Who Keeps Changing the Frame

Sunken Submarine Captain & Lighthouse Keeper

Witch Who Writes Reality & the Spell She Forgot She Cast

Knight Made of Paper & Dragon Made of Ink

Dream & the Person Who Keeps Waking It Up

Gravity & the One Person Who Keeps Falling For It

Library Ghost & the Book That Remembers Being Read

Forest Spirit & the Ax

Star That Fell in Love with the Ocean Reflection

Android With Missing Emotions & the Human Who Found Them

Doorway Between Worlds & the One Who Keeps Coming Back


Why couples Halloween costumes are kind of silly (and a bit lame)

At their worst, couples costumes feel like relationship performance art for an audience that didn’t ask for it. Instead of just dressing up as something fun, you’re now locked into a coordinated identity where your outfit only “works” if someone else validates your pairing. That turns Halloween into a mild compliance test: Are you the right half of the joke?

They also tend to shrink creativity. Single costumes can go weird, chaotic, or highly personal. Couples costumes often get reduced to the same recycled ideas—Angel/Devil, Peanut Butter/Jelly, Prisoner/Police Officer—like dating has its own official costume department that only updates once a decade.

There’s also a subtle social pressure element. If one person is more into it than the other, it becomes less about fun and more about obligation. And nothing kills Halloween energy faster than “we have to coordinate.”

At the extreme end, couples costumes can feel like they’re less about Halloween and more about announcing, “We are currently in a relationship and would like you to observe this fact in themed form.”

Why couples Halloween costumes are actually great

On the other hand, couples costumes are basically one of the few socially acceptable excuses to be completely ridiculous in public together.

They turn Halloween into a shared creative project. Instead of “you do your costume, I do mine,” you get collaboration, planning, inside jokes, and a shared payoff. Even simple costumes become more fun when they’re interactive—like two characters who only make sense together.

They also create instant storytelling. A single costume is a statement; a couple’s costume is a scene. People don’t just see outfits—they see a relationship dynamic, a joke, or a mini narrative playing out in real time.

And importantly, they’re optional. When done well, they’re not a requirement or a performance—they’re just an excuse to lean into being playful together. The best versions don’t scream “look at our relationship,” they quietly say “we thought this would be funny.”

At their peak, couples costumes aren’t about validation at all. They’re about being slightly ridiculous on purpose with someone who’s equally in on it—and that’s very on-brand for Halloween.

Funny Relationship Advice, Part 1: Marriages

And lastly, if you cannot trust your spouse-to-be with your phone, then you have no business getting married.

Monogamy Vs Monotony

How to get a Boyfriend - Chinese Wisdom

Funny Text Message Breakups

"It is not ewe, it is mi. Aye think we shud brake up."

"You were mean to my cat so I am breaking up with you."

"I will give you two choices. Either we can break up or I can cheat on you. Pick one."

"I can't stand it when guys whine during breakups so I have decided to just stop talking to you."

"How do I block someone on my phone? Namely you?"

"I think you and I could have been friends in another lifetime. What say we just be friends in another lifetime okay?"

"I have decided I want to see other people who are more attractive than you."

"You aren't funny or smart enough. I need someone who is witty, not twitty."

"So... wanna have breakup sex?"

"I have concluded you never bathe and I can't date Pigpen."

"You are a sex god(dess) and I don't want to be in a relationship based solely on sex."

"I cheated on you and got a STD. I think we should break up."

"Remember how we discussed having a threesome with another woman? Well I tried it without you and I have decided I prefer women over men."

"You wouldn't let me cut your hair so I am breaking up with you."

"I am leaving the country and going to Splitsvanistan. Goodbye."

"You and me were never meant to be so I think we should forget it ever happened."

"I think we should make like a banana and split."

"Break ups are hard, but it is much easier for me if I just end it now via text message."

"You kiss like an overly friendly dog and now I have fleas. If you come near me again I am calling the pound."

"I wish we could reverse time and never go out."

"Monkeys kiss better than you do. Maybe you should date a chimp instead."

"I found your p*** collection. You are so dumped."

"I need a man who is more like Mr Grey. You and me are Fifty Shades of Splitsville."

"What does you, me and Ukraine have in common?"

"I thought you and I would never break up but that was before I found out you were a loser."

"How dare you make fun of Mr Darcy! He is the perfect man and you are a loser who just got dumped."

"Sorry I don't go out on 2nd dates with losers who get dumped on the first date."

"You broke up with me before via text message so I am dumping you via text message so you can see what it is like."

5 Ways to Spot if your Date is a Serial Killer

Awhile back I wrote a post titled "5 Ways to Spot a Serial Dater" during which I commented that I should make a post titled "5 Ways to Spot if your Date is a Serial Killer".

So yes, here it is...

#1. You are on the date and you notice your date is carrying surgical gloves.

#2. He or she invites you over and then goes down into the dark, gloomy basement - and is gone for unusually long periods of time. (Tip: Don't go down there!)

#3. They are unusually clean - like beyond OCD clean, I am talking like Hannibal Lecter clean. Call it one of those weird hallmarks of serial killers, they are unusually fastidious. They make "Mr Clean" look dirty and normal.

#4. The person you are dating is "too good to be true", lives alone, owns property and has lots of disposable income - which means they have lots of land to bury the bodies, lots of money to buy weapons/tasers/pepperspray/etc...  and yet they're wasting their time with you??? Something is wrong!

#5. They drive a plain white van with blacked out windows. That is probable cause right there.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN LADIES AND GENTS!

Exercise and Common Lies people post on Personals

Ever read a profile on a personals website and the person lists the following as exercise activities they enjoy regularly?

1. Long walks (exploring the city, by the beach, etc)
2. Yoga
3. Hiking (implies long walks in the wilderness)
4. Biking or cycling
5. Weightlifting
6. Martial arts (any kind)

Chances are likely the following things are true:

The person rarely goes for long walks and are just saying that because they want the appearance of being active.

They probably so own a yoga mat, but it spends most of its time collecting dust.

They don't know what real hiking is and they are saying hiking because they think their ideal mate should be outdoorsy.

They own a bicycle but only ride it once in awhile - never on bike trails, never downtown, just 3 - 10 times per year on quiet streets or down by the beach.

It is typical guy thing to say they do weightlifting - it means they have dumbbells but probably don't use them often. Much more rare for women to say they do weightlifting.

Any time a man says he does martial arts it mean he took one class years ago and has probably forgotten everything.

EXCEPTIONS TO THESE GENERALIZATIONS

• They have actual photos of them doing these activities.
• They make a big deal about talking about the activity in their profile. (Yoga is my life, I cannot live without it!)
• They listed "yoga instructor" as their occupation.
• They are a rarity and were not lying about their activities. Otherwise you can assume most of them are exaggerating how often they do an activity.

In some cases it is the person lying to themselves. They WISH they were more active. Which is true for most of us.

An essay on the foolish things girls do for a guy...

By Ai Lung Nguyen

I admit it.

I took up archery for a guy.

Okay, yes, archery is an awesome sport and everything. But the truth is I also wanted to get closer to a guy and thought spending $400 on archery equipment would help me do it. (His name is Micah and he is just dreamy to look at... and then I found out that he was in a relationship already.)

So now I have lots of archery equipment but have lost some of my nerve with respect to properly learning the sport because I feel like a fool. I am still planning to use the equipment and learn, but my reasons for learning have changed dramatically.

And now I am writing an essay detailing not only the foolish things I have done, but also other women have done so they can get closer to a guy they like.

Here are some examples (some of these I did myself, although I won't say which)...

Spilling hot coffee or tea on herself because she was trying to put on makeup in a hurry while trying to drink at the same time (multitasking with coffee is not as smart as people think).

Flying overseas to meet a guy she has never met in person - or even spoken to on the phone.

Having an affair with a married man in the vain hope he will leave his wife for his mistress.

Signing up for personal training sessions with a hot guy only to find out later that he is gay.

Getting in a car accident because they were browsing profiles of hot guys on Plenty of Fish when they should have been driving.

Buying an expensive gift for a guy you like even though you are not dating and have no idea if he likes you.

Misreading signals that the guy is interested romantically when in reality he is just doing his job.

And the list goes on and on. Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.

Almost half the list above I have done myself at one time or another. Shameful really. Or just plain embarrassing.

One of the worst ones women do I think is loan men money - or give them money - when then aren't even dating the man in question. This is worse if the guy is a bum / con artist who uses women all the time.

Fortunately I have never done that. But I have spent plenty of my hard earned money traveling and buying things (for myself) in an attempt to meet guys / impress them.

And I can only conclude I have been going about this all wrong. Attracting a man in the first place is 90% looks and body language - and 10% personality.

But keeping a man long term is roughly 60% personality and 40% looks. (Some people will no doubt argue about this ratio, so feel free to leave a comment below.)

I argue the 60 / 40 split because staying with someone over the long term (male or female) is going to depend mostly on personality and their compatibility with yourself. But physical attractiveness continues to play a role otherwise people are likely to grow bored of their mate and cheat on them.

Another thing I have done in the past is date men I found a bit unattractive (eg. overweight) and think that I can somehow change them into more attractive versions of themselves over time if I get them to exercise more.

Thus I admit, I did at one point buy a guy I was dating a bicycle. For his birthday, so that is not so bad as just randomly buying him gifts - and I was dating him for a good amount of time.

The problem however is that he never used the bicycle. He didn't really exercise. He was one of those lazy guys who thinks he doesn't need to exercise.

Over time I realized I could not put up with his lazy personality and broke up with him. His attractiveness was a factor, I admit, but his unwillingness to change, to be more productive with his life, his addiction to video games... well, it eventually just reached a breaking point.

So my advice to other ladies out there, don't date guys who have huge stacks of video games. It shows they have no ambition in life and would rather be a fat / lazy slob on a couch playing video games every day.

When I broke up with him I asked if I could take the bicycle back and he said "Sure, whatever." He had rode it once.

I have basically concluded that whenever I like a guy I should wait until I can confirm whether he likes me or not before even thinking of doing anything foolish for him. Doing foolish things just to attract his attention in the first place just seems to backfire instead.

Jealousy Fuelled Rage and Temper Tantrums

To maintain the privacy of the individuals I have changed all the names of the people mentioned in this post.

I belong to a gaming group that plays Dungeons and Dragons. Now the first thing you know about D&D players is that they often don't have girlfriends. Well in this group they all have girlfriends - and two of the gamers are women and dating the other gamers.

The group is...

Genevieve, who is dating Peter and close friends with Angela.
Peter, who is the guy running the game and works as a doctor.
Angela, who is dating Locke, and a bit naive.
Locke, who is very overweight and very insecure about his relationship with Angela.
Plus me and three other guys, all of which have girlfriends.
As the group dynamic goes I am the jock of the group. I work as a personal trainer, and while I play D&D I am basically leaps ahead of the common nerd with respect to my weight and musculature. Basically I am a fitness nerd who can quote you how many calories activities burn depending on your weight.

Thus it was when I first joined this group that Locke immediately hated me and made a rude comment within he first two minutes of shaking his hand.

Why?! Because he sees me as a threat who might steal away his girlfriend. A girlfriend who is much more attractive than he is physically, but he manages to control her somewhat due to her naivete and his domineering personality.

Now I know she is atttactive, but just because a person is attractive doesn't mean someone else is automatically attracted to them. For my part I have known Angela since 2004 and in the last 9 years she has gained some weight, lost some of her attractiveness and while I might have been interested in her 9 years ago I am no longer interested in her. To me she is now "one of he guys".

But to Locke I am still a threat. To the point of jealousy and delusions.

Since joining the group last Winter he has sent me two ranting emails trying to intimidate me into quitting the group. He makes up such things like I slow the game down (completely untrue), that everyone else hates me (if that was true why is he the only one complaining?), and similar ridiculous claims.

Basically it is the kind of angry rants people tend to write late at night when they're feeling more paranoid than usual and their blood sugar levels are wonky.

Recently Locke decided to quit the group and pressured his girlfriend to quit too. This was followed by his most recent ranting temper tantrum email wherein he complains about me and tries to convince others I am a danger to the group.

In other words, he is making mountain ranges out of molehills so small that only a delusional person can see them.

I am no more a threat to the group than the plastic miniatures on the gaming table.

But I am a threat because he is worried might steal his girlfriend. She has to toe the line of his jealousy and delusions otherwise he will get really upset. And she is a bit too naive and he is too domineering for that to change.

Conclusions?

Seriously. Jealousy is like a form of insanity. Even when there is nothing there a person with insane jealousy can turn into an obsessive maniac.

I find the whole thing petty and yet funny. He lacks confidence in himself and is so insecure he sees every man who is more attractive than him as a potential rival for her affections. And he then goes to insane extremes and makes ridiculous statements based on his paranoid delusions.

And that frankly, is both hilarious and pitiful.

Fortunately not all nerds are as insecure and problematic as Locke is. Some of them, like the characters from the Big Bang Theory, can actually get girlfriends and have successful relationships.

But I admit that for the hardcore nerds - especially ones who are overweight and mentally off their rocker, it is pretty freaking rare.

You Are More Beautiful Than You Think

You REALLY Are More Beautiful Than You Think.

Which means that when you go out on dates you need to stop worrying about your appearance quite so much and start having more fun.

Should I Text Him Flowchart

Interested in a guy and want to send him a text? Follow the flowchart to find out whether you should.

A Good Boyfriends knows what to do...

A good boyfriend should know when he is wanted.

Except men are not psychic.

A good boyfriend should know how to treat a girl.

A bit like how you treat your mother, except you get to ogle her breasts.

A good boyfriend should tie your shoes for you once in awhile.

Just because it is so cute when you do it.

A good boyfriend should behave like a prince...

Except in the sack, when the girl is expecting a beast.

A good boyfriend should know the endings of every movie containing a Disney princess. And Beauty and the Beast. And The Princess Bride. And Pretty Woman. The list goes on.

But don't expect him to know the ending of The Hunger Games Trilogy or the Twilight Trilogy. Some things are just not in his repertoire.

A good boyfriend should know how to give you a piggyback ride.

And know when to set you down when you start getting motion sickness.

Sometimes boyfriends also make good chairs.

Good boy!

Breaking Up With An Overly Attached Girlfriend

Relationship dating humour from "Jimmy".

College Relationships

In the video below CollegeHumor tackles the topic of the types of people you meet in college/university and what it is like dating them.

10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Boyfriend

We all like to pride ourselves on having an honest and truthful relationship with no secrets or lies.

But some things really are just best left in the closet. It’s not lying. It’s not even twisting the truth, technically. It’s just being careful.

Below is a list of ten vital things that you should NEVER say to your boyfriend…. (If you want your relationship to work that is!)

1. “No, you were good. It’s just that….”

Men love believing that no other man can compare to them in the bedroom. If your man does need a bit of guidance in the right direction (possibly quite literally), find a less heart-breaking way of phrasing this. Something along the lines of “You know what’s nice?...” or “You know what might be an idea?....” may be a better way of getting exactly what you want from your man in the bedroom and yet not destroying his ego completely!

10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Boyfriend

2. “I like your mum. But…”

Even if your boyfriend moans about his mum non-stop, don’t. He can. You can’t. Try to work on your relationship with her if possible, but if that’s not an option, just grin and bear it. It may be hard, but at the end of the day, you’re going out with her son, not her, so who really cares? Slagging her off to your man will only ruin your relationship, meaning (obviously) no boyfriend and that she wins, and we don’t want that now do we? Talk to your friends in confidence instead. It’s a high possibility that they know exactly what you mean too!

3. “When we’re married/old/have kids….”

Until you’re both seriously thinking about these things, don’t bring them up, ever. We all dream of being happily married with two kids, a big house and a dog, but bringing these things up too early on in the relationship will only scare your man away, meaning none of the above, anytime soon. Enjoy the relationship for what it is then eventually these subjects will come up naturally, when the time is right.

4. “There’s this great guy at work…..”

There may well be a great guy at work. Or at university, or at your fitness class or that you met at a party on Saturday night. However, in most cases your boyfriend doesn’t need to know this. Don’t not talk about other people and so on, but if you’re going to phrase it in a way that makes your man feel inadequate, refrain. If this guy is that fantastic, surely you want to be with him, not your boyfriend, anyway?

10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Boyfriend

5. “Do you think she’s hot?”

This is always a lose-lose situation. If your boyfriend says yes, you’ll want to kill him. Men will (most often) say no thinking that that is what you want to hear, but then you’ll wonder why he doesn’t think she’s hot (you must have thought she was to ask the question in the first place) and then you’ll question your man’s bad taste in women, leading you to wonder: “Well, if he’s got bad taste, what am I then?” Never a good idea.

6. “You’ve put a bit of weight on since we’ve been together.”

No matter what anyone says, men do care about these things too ladies. Imagine how you’d feel if your boyfriend said this to you. Not impressed, I imagine. If it is true that your man has put on a few pounds since you’ve been together, try suggesting joining the gym or taking up a more active hobby together. This way, you get to spend more time with your man and improve your fitness – A double winner!

7. “Your friends are a bit annoying though, aren’t they?”

The last thing you want to do is to put down his friends. Imagine how you’d feel if he started slagging off your friends. A little bit like slapping him I imagine. It’s a bit like the boyfriend’s evil mother situation. Even if your boyfriend’s friends are a bit geeky/boring/rude/incredibly stupid, just deal with it. Again, try to get on with them, but if that’s just not do-able, at the end of the day, who cares? You’ve got your friends and he’s got his. Your relationship with your boyfriend is totally separate from that that he has with his friends.

8. “I’ll try anything once!”

Unless this is very true girls, don’t say it. You’ll only get his hopes up then let him down. And that’s just cruel isn’t it? It’s like him saying: “Yeah, I love shopping. Let’s go every Saturday!” when we all know that in actual fact, he’s lying and will only take all the fun out of the weekly Saturday daytime shopping trip. Enjoy your sex life and have as much fun, as you both want, whilst respecting each other’s boundaries. If you are actually a little bit kinky though, go for it!

9. “Your mate/dad/brother/hamster is really fit……”

Even if they are, don’t bother. He’ll only get paranoid. Just admire from afar ladies. A bit of eye candy on nights out/at family parties is never going to be a problem really is it? No one needs to know!

And for the biggy……..

10. “Aww… My ex……”

Whether you’re referring to your ex in a good or bad way, this is never the smartest of ideas. Your man will just wonder why you felt the need to bring your ex up and why you’re still thinking about him. If you must, think it in your head. Focus on your current relationship. Not the ghosts of the past. That way, eventually, you won’t even want to bring up your ex. It’ll be all about you and your current other half, and no one else – The way it should be.

Like I said, it’s not lying ladies. It’s just being careful and respecting your man and his feelings. Treat others as you wish to be treated, as they say.

Follow these ten rules, and you’ll soon be well on your way to the blissful, make-other-people-jealous relationship that we all deserve!