Is Modern Pop Culture Killing Relationships?

If you strip away the noise, a pattern emerges: a number of modern online trends—aimed at both men and women—don’t just shape expectations about dating, they quietly distort them to the point where real relationships struggle to compete. The issue isn’t that people have standards; it’s that those standards are increasingly built in artificial environments optimized for attention, not reality.

Algorithm-driven dating advice creates caricatures of men and women

Large pockets of online content reduce relationships to formulas: men are told to maximize status, detachment, and optionality; women are told to maximize selectivity and never “settle.” These ideas get reinforced because extreme takes perform better in feeds. Over time, both sides begin to treat dating like a negotiation or competition rather than a cooperative process. The result is predictable—less trust, more defensiveness, and a shrinking willingness to invest emotionally.

Dating apps reward perception over connection

Platforms like Tinder and Hinge turn people into quick-scan profiles. This encourages snap judgments based on photos, status signals, and short prompts. When choice feels endless, people become more disposable to each other. Even when two people might be compatible in real life, they may never meet—or one or both may keep looking for a marginally better option. This creates a paradox: more access, but less commitment.

Social media inflates lifestyle expectations

On platforms like Instagram and TikTok, relationships are often presented as highlight reels—luxury trips, constant romance, flawless partners. These aren’t neutral snapshots; they’re curated performances. When people internalize those images, normal relationships—where people are tired after work, argue occasionally, and grow slowly—start to feel inadequate. That gap between expectation and reality leads to dissatisfaction, even when nothing is fundamentally wrong.

“Main character” thinking weakens compromise

A recurring theme online is the idea that you are the “main character” and should never accept discomfort. There’s some value in self-respect, but taken too far, it erodes one of the core requirements of long-term relationships: compromise. If both people are optimizing solely for their own narrative, the relationship itself becomes secondary. Friction, which is inevitable in any partnership, gets interpreted as a sign to leave rather than something to work through.

Romantasy sets emotionally unrealistic relationship models

The rise of romantasy — popularized by books like A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas — adds another layer. These stories are compelling for a reason: they combine intense romance with high-stakes fantasy. But they often feature idealized partners—powerful, endlessly devoted, emotionally attuned, and willing to risk everything without hesitation. When consumed heavily, especially alongside social media, they can recalibrate expectations. Real partners—who are human, inconsistent, and limited—can start to feel lacking by comparison.

Constant comparison erodes satisfaction

Online spaces make it easy to compare your partner (or lack of one) to thousands of others. There’s always someone richer, more attractive, more exciting. This creates a low-level dissatisfaction that undermines attachment. Instead of investing in the person in front of you, attention drifts toward hypothetical alternatives.


None of these trends are inherently bad on their own. The problem is cumulative.

When algorithmic advice, curated lifestyles, gamified dating, and idealized fiction all point in the same direction, they create a mental model of relationships that reality can’t match.

Real relationships are slower, messier, and less optimized. They require patience, forgiveness, and a willingness to choose one person repeatedly despite imperfections. Online culture, by contrast, rewards immediacy, perfection, and optionality.

That mismatch is why more people feel stuck: not because love is unavailable, but because their expectations have been quietly trained away from what love actually looks like in practice.

12 Funny Relationship Tips about Communicating

Never go to bed angry—stay up and argue like champions until at least 2 a.m. so you both forget what started it.

If you’re both hungry, you’re not in a relationship—you’re in a temporary war zone. Feed yourselves immediately.

The phrase “Do whatever you want” never means what it sounds like. Proceed with extreme caution.

Apologize early, apologize often, and occasionally for things you’re not entirely sure you did.

If your partner says they’re “fine,” they are not fine. This is a test. You are already failing.

Choose your battles wisely. For example: is this really worth sleeping on the couch over a thermostat setting?

Learn your partner’s coffee order like it’s sacred knowledge. This alone can save entire days.

Compliments are free, but somehow still underused. Deploy them like a genius strategist.

If you win an argument, you probably just lost something more important.

Don’t try to fix every problem. Sometimes your job is just to nod and say, “Yeah, that’s ridiculous.”

Remember: you’re not dating a mind reader. Use words. Actual, clear, human words.

The real secret to a long relationship? Both people pretending they’re the lucky one.

 

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! 

12 Things to do after a Breakup or Divorce

Give yourself a reset period where you reduce contact with your ex as much as possible so emotions can settle.

Take care of the basics first: sleep, regular meals, hydration, and movement—even if it feels mechanical at the start.

Go through your living space and remove obvious reminders (photos, gifts, digital cues) so you’re not constantly triggered.

Talk to people you trust. Don’t isolate yourself, even if you don’t feel like socializing much.

Handle practical logistics early if needed—finances, shared accounts, subscriptions, or legal steps—so they don’t linger in the background.

Write things down: what you’re feeling, what you learned, and what you want to avoid repeating next time.

Change your routine slightly (new route, new café, new habits) to break the “shared life autopilot.”

Avoid jumping immediately into a rebound relationship just to fill the gap.

Reconnect with interests or hobbies that got sidelined during the relationship.

Do one physical reset activity—cleaning, organizing, or exercising—to help mark a clear “new chapter.”

Limit doom-scrolling or re-reading old messages, which tends to reset emotional progress.

Be patient with your own timeline. Recovery isn’t linear, and feeling okay again usually happens in stages, not all at once.

12 Gift Ideas for Christmas... for someone you just met!

So... You just met someone new, you've started going out, but you don't really know what to get them for Christmas. So... What do you get them if you don't really know them that well?

Plus maybe you're not certain how long this relationship will last, especially since lots of people break up in January after Christmas is over... So maybe you want to be more frugal about your gift.

Here's some options: 

Nice box of chocolates
Go for a simple, well-packaged assortment—always safe, always appreciated.

Gourmet coffee or tea sampler
Something in a clean gift box feels intentional without being personal.

Scented candle (neutral scent)
Think linen, vanilla, cedar, or “spa” type scents—not anything too bold or polarizing.

Festive snack tin
Cookies, shortbread, popcorn, or mixed nuts in a holiday tin works almost every time.

Gift card (coffee shop or bookstore)
Add a small touch like a holiday card to make it feel less impersonal.

Nice reusable mug or travel tumbler
Practical, universal, and easy to pair with coffee or tea.

Fuzzy socks or winter accessories
Warm, seasonal, and low-risk (just stick to neutral colors).

Small plant (like a succulent)
Low maintenance, looks good on a desk, and feels “alive” without being personal.

Hand cream or self-care set
Winter-friendly and useful without requiring any personal knowledge.

Cute desk calendar or notebook
Good for coworkers or acquaintances—practical and neutral.

Holiday ornament (simple, classic style)
Seasonal, inexpensive, and easy to keep or re-gift.

Hot chocolate kit or cocoa set
Feels cozy and festive without assuming anything about taste preferences.

12 Romantic Couples Halloween Costume Ideas

Clock & Time Traveler Who Broke It

Haunted Painting & The Person Who Keeps Changing the Frame

Sunken Submarine Captain & Lighthouse Keeper

Witch Who Writes Reality & the Spell She Forgot She Cast

Knight Made of Paper & Dragon Made of Ink

Dream & the Person Who Keeps Waking It Up

Gravity & the One Person Who Keeps Falling For It

Library Ghost & the Book That Remembers Being Read

Forest Spirit & the Ax

Star That Fell in Love with the Ocean Reflection

Android With Missing Emotions & the Human Who Found Them

Doorway Between Worlds & the One Who Keeps Coming Back


Why couples Halloween costumes are kind of silly (and a bit lame)

At their worst, couples costumes feel like relationship performance art for an audience that didn’t ask for it. Instead of just dressing up as something fun, you’re now locked into a coordinated identity where your outfit only “works” if someone else validates your pairing. That turns Halloween into a mild compliance test: Are you the right half of the joke?

They also tend to shrink creativity. Single costumes can go weird, chaotic, or highly personal. Couples costumes often get reduced to the same recycled ideas—Angel/Devil, Peanut Butter/Jelly, Prisoner/Police Officer—like dating has its own official costume department that only updates once a decade.

There’s also a subtle social pressure element. If one person is more into it than the other, it becomes less about fun and more about obligation. And nothing kills Halloween energy faster than “we have to coordinate.”

At the extreme end, couples costumes can feel like they’re less about Halloween and more about announcing, “We are currently in a relationship and would like you to observe this fact in themed form.”

Why couples Halloween costumes are actually great

On the other hand, couples costumes are basically one of the few socially acceptable excuses to be completely ridiculous in public together.

They turn Halloween into a shared creative project. Instead of “you do your costume, I do mine,” you get collaboration, planning, inside jokes, and a shared payoff. Even simple costumes become more fun when they’re interactive—like two characters who only make sense together.

They also create instant storytelling. A single costume is a statement; a couple’s costume is a scene. People don’t just see outfits—they see a relationship dynamic, a joke, or a mini narrative playing out in real time.

And importantly, they’re optional. When done well, they’re not a requirement or a performance—they’re just an excuse to lean into being playful together. The best versions don’t scream “look at our relationship,” they quietly say “we thought this would be funny.”

At their peak, couples costumes aren’t about validation at all. They’re about being slightly ridiculous on purpose with someone who’s equally in on it—and that’s very on-brand for Halloween.

Buying Together: 7 Financial Conversations Couples Skip (and Why That Costs Marriages)

For many couples, buying a home together feels like the ultimate milestone — a shared dream come true. But behind the smiling photos with a “Sold” sign often lies a reality no one posts about: stress, money fights, and even divorce.

One of the biggest mistakes couples make isn’t in choosing the wrong house, but in skipping the right conversations before signing the mortgage.

Here are seven money talks most couples avoid — and why dodging them can cost your relationship more than the down payment.

---

1. Debt: What You Owe (and Haven’t Mentioned)

From student loans to maxed-out credit cards, debt has a way of resurfacing at the worst possible moment. If one partner is secretly drowning, that hidden weight can drag both credit scores down and make mortgage* approvals harder. Full transparency now saves explosive arguments later.

* Don't forget to get a property inspection or home inspection! You will regret it later when the roof collapses and you need to spend $40,000+ on a new roof.

Marriage cost: resentment, blame, and “you never told me…” fights.

---

2. Credit Scores: The Quiet Dealbreaker

Banks don’t just look at income; they look at creditworthiness. A poor score can mean higher interest rates or a flat-out rejection. Couples who never talk about credit scores often discover the problem mid-application — when emotions are already high.

Marriage cost: shame, tension, and unequal bargaining power in the relationship.

---

3. Spending Habits: Saver vs. Spender

One partner thinks new furniture is a necessity; the other believes secondhand works fine. Differing philosophies on what counts as an “essential” lead to fights, especially once the mortgage payment eats up a big chunk of income.

Marriage cost: constant arguments about lifestyle choices, and feeling undervalued or controlled.

---

4. Emergency Funds: Who’s Got the Safety Net?

A leaking roof, a furnace breakdown, or job loss will happen — it’s not “if” but “when.” Couples who don’t set aside an emergency fund before buying risk going straight from housewarming to financial panic.

Marriage cost: stress overload, and blame over who “should’ve planned better.”

---

5. Future Goals: Kids, Careers, and Geography

Buying a house is often a 15–30 year commitment. But what if one partner wants kids, another wants grad school, or one’s job may relocate them across the country? Buying without aligning life goals can turn a home into a trap.

Marriage cost: feeling stuck, regrets, and diverging paths that strain the relationship.

---

6. Maintenance Expectations: Who Does the Work?

A house isn’t just a mortgage — it’s gutters, lawns, plumbing, and repairs. Couples rarely spell out who will mow, fix, or hire out. When the first big problem hits, so does the resentment if labor feels lopsided.

Marriage cost: “you never help” arguments and festering bitterness.

---

7. Exit Plan: What If It Doesn’t Work Out?

It feels unromantic, but planning for worst-case scenarios is smart. If you split, who stays, who leaves, who refinances, or how you’ll sell matters. Avoiding the conversation doesn’t make it less real.

Marriage cost: brutal legal battles, ruined credit, and lingering hostility.

---

Final Word

Love might spark the dream of a home, but money — or the lack of honest conversation about it — determines whether that dream lasts. Skipping these seven talks doesn’t just risk foreclosure; it risks the foundation of the marriage itself.

Pro tip: Set aside a weekend, grab some coffee (or wine), and work through these questions together. A few uncomfortable hours now can save years of conflict later.

Money Problems and Divorce

Money problems remain one of the leading causes of divorce, cutting across age, income level, and geography. For many couples, financial strain isn’t just about numbers on a spreadsheet—it’s about stress, blame, and broken trust. Rising mortgages in expensive cities, unexpected home repairs, and the hidden costs of daily life can all chip away at a marriage.

What begins as a shared dream of building a life together can quickly turn into arguments over debt, bills, and responsibility, leaving relationships vulnerable to collapse.

Widely documented: Financial stress is consistently ranked as one of the top contributors to marital conflict and divorce (alongside infidelity, communication breakdown, and incompatibility).

Mechanism: It’s not just the lack of money but how couples handle financial stress together—arguing over spending, saving, debt, or unequal contributions.

Mortgages and expensive cities

High housing costs = higher stress: Couples buying in expensive cities often stretch budgets to the limit. A mortgage that eats too much of the household income (“house poor”) leaves little room for emergencies, vacations, or leisure—amplifying tension.

Research trend: Studies have linked mortgage debt and housing insecurity with lower relationship satisfaction and higher separation risk. While not the only factor, it compounds existing stresses.

Home maintenance stress

Unexpected repairs: A leaking roof, failing furnace, or foundation issue can cost tens of thousands—often landing right after couples already drained their savings for a down payment.

Division of labor: Who does the work or arranges repairs? If one partner feels they’re carrying the burden (time, cost, or responsibility), resentment builds.

Skipping a home inspection

Cheap upfront, costly later: Forgetting to hire a home inspector can mean undiscovered structural issues, mold, electrical hazards, or water damage.

Impact on marriage: A surprise $30,000 foundation repair isn’t just a financial blow—it often sparks blame (“Why didn’t you push for an inspection?” “Why did you rush the purchase?”). That blame cycle corrodes the relationship.

So yes: Expensive mortgages, combined with hidden repair costs and poor financial planning, can increase divorce risk. They create sustained stress, financial strain, and opportunities for blame—classic pressure points in marriages.

Foodie Calls and Other Dating Scams

Beware!

There is a practice that is often nicknamed “foodie calls” (a play on “booty calls”). It’s when someone goes on a date with no romantic or sexual interest in the other person, but mainly to get a free meal.

It is one of those reasons while people should go on frugal dates during the first two dates and only spend more on the third date when it is becoming more serious. If you are going on a dinner date for the first date then there is a very real chance that your romantic partner could be trying to scam you into paying for their meal and has zero interest in you romantically or sexually.

How common is it?

Studies & surveys: A 2019 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science surveyed women in the U.S. and found that about 23–33% admitted to having gone on at least one “foodie call.” So it is far more common than people care to admit.

Motivations: Some said it was for a free meal, because they enjoy scamming people, others said it was out of boredom, curiosity, or social pressure.

Men do it too: While the term is gendered, men can also use dates for free food, drinks, or perks, though it’s less often talked about. Or they might skip out on the bill, leaving the other person to pay for it.

Other dating scams / exploitative behaviors (both men & women)

Here’s a breakdown of common ones:

Financial / Material Scams

Romance scams: Building an emotional connection online to trick someone into sending money (“catfishing for cash”).

Sugar dating exploitation: One person promises intimacy or a relationship in exchange for gifts/money but strings the other along with no intention of following through.

“Bill splitting dodge”: Pretending to have “forgotten” a wallet or never paying their share repeatedly.

Luxury date scams: Using dating apps to get into high-end clubs, dinners, or vacations paid for by the other person.

Emotional / Identity Deception

Catfishing: Using fake photos or identities to lure someone into a relationship.

Age, marital status, or lifestyle lies: Claiming to be single, younger, wealthier, or child-free when they’re not.

Status scammers: Pretending to be more successful (renting cars, photoshopping images, fake job titles) to impress or manipulate.

Physical / Sexual Exploits

Hookup baiting: Pretending to want a relationship just to get casual sex.

Revenge or humiliation dates: Going out with someone just to mock them later online or with friends.

Safety-related Scams

Robbery setups: Luring someone to a “date” and then having accomplices mug them.

Drugging / spiking: Gaining control for theft or assault.
 

... 

So “foodie calls” are relatively common and socially talked about, but they’re just one part of a wider ecosystem of exploitative behavior in dating. 

 

Attractive and Confident vs Ugly and Insecure

What do you look for in a romantic partner?

Someone who is attractive and confident?

Or do you prefer someone who is ugly and insecure?

Being both Ugly and Insecure are Dealbreakers for many people. It would be one thing if a person was ugly or average looking, but if they were confident about their body and didn't care what other people think then that might tick the right boxes for someone who isn't so picky.

Lots of people out there want someone who is attractive and spends a chunk of their time exercising, eating well, dieting and doing fun activities outdoors, but lets face it. Many people do not do those things as frequently as they probably should be.

Likewise, not everyone is confident.

A person could hypothetically look attractive, but be very insecure about their appearance.

Given a choice, would you rather date someone who is:

1. Attractive, but very insecure.
2. Average looking, with average insecurities.
3. Ugly, but very confident in themselves.

Personally I think 2 and 3 are the best options. 2 especially.

Of course it is possible for someone to improve their appearance and also their confidence levels. People who exercise regularly, even if they are not attractive, often feel better about their appearance and consequently feel more confident.

It could be as simple as someone who goes for frequent walks and hikes, or maybe they enjoy cycling or swimming. Or maybe they enjoy sports like archery. Or maybe they are more adventurous and like doing unusual sports or weird exercises.

Seriously. There are a lot of different sports / exercises out there that boost a person's confidence levels. There is no guarantee they will make a person more attractive, but if a person has more hobbies / sports that involve exercise then it should ultimately boost their chances in finding a mate.

It is even potentially possible for you to meet the love of your life while doing one of those sports.

But ultimately, it all comes back to the Dealbreakers. If a person can reduce their Dealbreakers by becoming more confident and/or attractive then other people should be more likely to give you a fair chance at romance.

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Why Women need to be Afraid of Creepy Incel Losers more than Ever

By Monique Bellamont - April 2018.

In the wake of the Toronto Van Attack and the Incel*'s victims - 10 dead and another 15 people injured, women need to understand that there is a reason why they should follow their gut instinct and avoid the creepy losers they sometimes meet on first dates.

See Also Why Some Incels are Celebrating the Toronto Van Attack

* Incel = Involuntary Celibate. A male virgin who blames women for the fact that they are a virgin and is violently angry about it, when in reality they are a virgin because they are creepy losers.

The Creep Factor = Dealbreaker

When meeting a new guy for the first time many women (dare I say all women?) have to assess whether this guy is a creepy nutcase who might try to murder us, stalk us, abduct us and keep us in a basement replaying their favourite scene from Silence of the Lambs.

Not to make light of the situation, but lets face it: There are some creepy scary men out there who reek of desperation and the potential to be violent. Are they all violent? No, absolutely not. But everyone (men and women) has the potential to be violent. Some people are simply more violent and creepy than other people.

And that is what the woman's instincts are looking for on these first dates. Is this guy a creepy violent lunatic? And is he actually marriageable material worthy of meeting my parents?

Are Incels really losers?

Well if we want to use sports analogies, here goes:

The Winners are typically the masculine jocks who win the football game and date a cheerleader.

The Losers are not masculine, not "Alpha Males", and they are certainly not winning at football or any other sports. And only in their dreams are they dating a cheerleader.

This doesn't mean Incels cannot be financially successful. Rather what Incels are bad at is being social with the opposite sex in a manner which is not creepy. They are socially awkward around women, don't really know how to talk to women in a manner which is not creepy, make weird jokes that don't go over that well, and generally frighten all the women away.

In the dating world, Incels are basically at the bottom of the pecking order, with the jocks and alpha males way up at the top, and the Incels are down in the gutters.

So it is no wonder Incels are bitter about it. They are sexually repressed, socially inept, scare all the women away, and have zero clue about what their real problem is and instead blame all their problems on women.

So yes, Incels are definitely losers.

Are Incels Misogynists?

Yes. Incels hate women. That is the very definition of misogyny.

They are also anti-feminists, anti-social and have a host of other problems. Mental issues? Maybe. Mental hangups? Definitely. Slight difference between the two.

Incels are also often internet trolls playing out their creepy fantasies on websites like 4chan - which is home to many different subculture groups which are similarly creepy and violent.

Incel Terminology

Incels hate the whole dating world. They cannot compete with the alpha males and have regressed to internet groups where they talk to other Incels, celebrate their misogyny and complain about women all the time. Incels even have a name for these women:

Stacy - A woman who pretends to be all innocent but whenever she meets a Chad she suddenly becomes interested in sex.

Chad - An alpha male or a winner, a man worthy of actually having sex with. Even Beta males qualify as Chads, because even though they are lower in the pecking order, they are still higher than the loser virgin Incels at the bottom.

The Incel Rebellion - Some Incels have been pushing the idea that they should all rise up and kill the Chads and Stacys of the world. That is how bitter and violent these people are.

Alek Minassian - The creepy loser from Toronto who killed 10 people and injured 15 trying to start an Incel Rebellion.

Elliot Rodger - The creepy loser from Santa Barbara who killed 6 people and injured 14 back in 2014, also trying to start an Incel Rebellion and inspired Alek Minassian.

The École Polytechnique Murderer, aka Marc Lépine - Killed 14 people and injured 14 others at the
École Polytechnique in Montreal in 1989. He blamed women for himself not getting into the school's engineering program. He claimed he was "fighting feminism".

Why Incels need to Get A Life

There is actually a cure for men who are Incels.

It is called going outside and Get A Life. These losers have spent too much time focused on trying to get laid, venting their frustrations on the internet (4chan and other misogynistic websites) and surrounded by other men who are just an echo chamber for their own worst ideas.

They need to go outside, find a hobby, lets say for example "Birdwatching" and just focus on that hobby for months or years.

And while they are doing all this Birdwatching (aka Birding) they should learn how to socialize with other birdwatchers (including women) without being a creepy loser.

Then after years of socializing and not creeping women out, maybe then they might meet a woman who is also into Birdwatching who finds him attractive and not creepy at all.

And obviously it doesn't have to be Birdwatching.

I recommend staying away from the more violent hobbies like hunting or kickboxing, because that is actually more likely to just add to the Creep Factor. It could be any number of non-violent hobbies.

• Fishing
• Canoeing
• Exercising
• Walking the Dog
• Catching Butterflies
• Beekeeping
• Non-Profit Volunteer
• Etc

So essentially there is a cure, but it requires the man - the Incel - to recognize that they are their own worst enemy when it comes to socializing with women. They need to get outside, exercise, find a hobby, and become a new better person.

Or they could just stay a creepy loser Incel. It is their choice after all.

How to Avoid Mean Guys, aka How Guillermo Aristizabal got me Pregnant and then Dumped Me

Guest Post by Maria López - March 15th 2017.

Hello!

I read your post from last month titled "If He Hasn't Married You By Now, He Isn't Going To" and it got me thinking about an ex of mine and how he was a complete jerk - and how there was no way he was going to marry me and how I should have known better.

Let me summarize.

1. His name is Guillermo Aristizabal. (I know I know, Guillermo even sounds like a douchebag, and he is.)
2. Guillermo Aristizabal lives in Toronto, Canada.
3. We dated for four months and then he got me pregnant.
4. I am pretty sure he got me pregnant on purpose too, as in I suspect he removed the condom on purpose in the dark and got me pregnant on purpose.
5. When he found out I was pregnant in less than a week he cheated on me with my best friend and then dumped me.
6. Guillermo then sent me all sorts of nasty text messages, encouraging me to get an abortion, encouraging me to commit suicide, calling me a slut and a tramp, etc.
7. I did end up having an abortion because I did not want to raise a child alone and I definitely did not want to raise a child when he deliberately got me pregnant and might decide that he wants visitation rights, but the whole experience really turned me off dating older douchebag men.

Since then I have developed a system for only dating men who are NICE.

STEP ONE - Ask how often he visits his parents, phones his parents or otherwise communicates with family (including siblings and other relatives).

Guillermo Aristizabal almost never spoke about his parents/family and in retrospect I should have taken this to be a warning sign that the guy is a psychopath.

The goal of Step One is to only date men who are "family men", who spend a fair amount of time with their families / communicating with them.

STEP TWO - Ask to meet his family and/or friends.

I think Guillermo Aristizabal deliberately avoided introducing me to his friends and family. I even wonder if I was his real "girlfriend" or if I was effectively his mistress that he was sleeping with on the side. Hence why I never met any of his family or friends.

In retrospect that should have been a big warning sign. What kind of man dates a woman for 4 months and doesn't introduce her to some of his friends or family?

The goal of Step Two is to see how he behaves around his family and friends. Does he behave like a jerk? Do his friends secretly hate him? Do they imply jokingly or not that he cheats a lot? Basically this is a testing ground to see if he is secretly a jerk and see how much of his jerkiness comes through when he is relaxed and around friends.

If he doesn't want to introduce you to his friends/family, proceed immediately to step five below.

STEP THREE - Be deliberately super late for a date sometime.

This is to test his patience and anger issues. If he is super angry about you being late, this is a guy worth dumping.

Guillermo Aristizabal always got angry - or at least upset - if I was ever late for a date. He would start freaking out and having a temper tantrum.

Your goal obviously it to test his patience/anger and see how he takes it. A laid back "down to earth" man would not be so worried about you being so late, especially if he really cares about you. But a jerk will just be a jerk about it.

STEP FOUR - Don't be in the mood for sex for once.

Shortly before I got pregnant there was an incident in which I wasn't in the mood for sex and Guillermo Aristizabal got really upset that he was "wasting his time even being there", which tipped me off that he was just there for the sex.

It wasn't long after that incident that I believe he got me pregnant on purpose and then dumped me while he was sleeping with my best friend. (He told her that I had dumped him and that he needed consoling... which was not true, he was just lying through his teeth.)

STEP FIVE - Once you realize he is a jerk, dump him immediately.

Don't wait to do it at a better time. Just dump him immediately and stop wasting your time with him.

Don't do what I did and think you can change him, to try and make him into a better person. You can't. Once a jerk, always a jerk.

Just dump him and get it over with.

STEP SIX - Warn other women about dating this jerk.

That is what I am doing now. Hence why I keep using Guillermo Aristizabal's name. Warning other women to make sure they don't end up dating this jerk. He is a cheater, a liar, and a jerk. I hope he dies old, alone, and lonely - just like a jerk like him deserves.

If he hasn't married you by now, he isn't going to

I know this girl named Angela and she has been dating a guy for over 7 years now. She has been waiting and waiting for him to "pop the question" and marry her.

The problem however is that he never does. He is an overweight nerd who oddly enough bullies her in the relationship because she has low self esteem and doesn't seem to realize she can:

• Stand up for herself.
• Dump him whenever she wants.
• Find someone nicer.

But because she has low self esteem, she keeps waiting and waiting. Hoping someday he will marry her.

Except here is the thing...

If he hasn't married you by now, he isn't going to.

So simple.

I would set the limit at 4 years.

If you are dating a man for 4 years and he never discusses marriage / pops the question during those 4 years, then he has no intention of ever getting married. Definitely not to you.

Four years is more than enough time for a man to realize he loves you and he wants to marry you. If he doesn't propose and set a date for the wedding, then he doesn't want to marry you.

Waiting 5, 6, 7 or more years? Pff. He just likes having you around because you are his friend with benefits. He doesn't want to marry you, he just wants the perks of free sex / being your friend.

So if you are nearing the 4 year mark you need to ask yourself the following questions?

Is the romance in your relationship dead?

Is he refusing to get married?

Is he just taking advantage of you?

If you answered Yes to 1 or more of the above, you should consider dumping him immediately.

If you answered Yes to 2 or 3 of the above, you should IMMEDIATELY dump him.

If you answered No to all three questions, and if you are nearing the 4 year mark, then stop wasting time and you should propose marriage to him.

Just propose to him. Get it over with. Propose. Who cares about tradition. Just do it.

If he refuses, pretend like everything is normal for 1 week to see if he changes his mind.

Then dump him if he still hasn't softened on the idea of marriage. If he loves you, he should want to marry you.

Maybe after he has been without you for awhile he will change his mind and realize he now wants to marry you, but you might have to go through this painful process to get him to that realization.

If he doesn't change his mind and want to marry you, start dating someone else. Find someone you love who is marriage material. Don't waste your time with playboys who just want hanky panky with no commitment.

Funny Relationship Advice, Part 1: Marriages

And lastly, if you cannot trust your spouse-to-be with your phone, then you have no business getting married.

Augmented Reality Speed Dating Platform

By Rob C.

Inspired by the November 15th 2016, AMA Toronto panel discussion entitled The Future Today: How Marketers Can Leverage Emerging Technologies, I would like to present my ideas on the components necessary in creating a functional AR speed dating solution.

AR = Augmented Reality. If you have already played Pokemon Go, you know how that works. If you have not then check out the short film below, "Sight", which shows what some theorize the future of Augmented Reality might look like.




 

Regarding the AMA Event – held at 345 Adelaide St W after work;  I was impressed by the people I met there and the synergistic ideas in the room regarding overcoming the challenge of getting adopters and making mavens for phone apps and other bits of innovative technology. A top Toronto B2B marketing consultant Tania Stadnik organized the event and introduced the speakers. Personally I was more stimulated by all the hip Toronto event bloggers in the audience, (Shanny, Raymi and Wedding Girl) than I was with the three well know ‘thought leaders’' on stage, Adam Green from Google Canada, Zahra Rajani the VP Digital Experience at Jackman Reinvents, and Kevin Keane from Brainsights.  They're okay but I don't read their stuff the same way I soak up the girl's blogs - but that's me.

In the hour long talk that followed these marketing idealists discussed the many distracting elements of technology which discourage people from adopting new systems and practices that could be very beneficial to their organization. In the hierarchy of change management there are early adopters and mavens at the top and and the slow pokes at the bottom who are still using their blackberries. The secret is to find managers in between that have shared goals and to remove roadblocks at all levels of the enterprise. And of course, the unspoken truth is that the application itself must have a dead simple interface and be easy to use and understand and be immediately rewarding to the user.

Augmented Reality Dating Programs need Facebook API

We here at True Love Bites we been wrapping our brains around how to launch this city’s first augmented reality singles event after seeing the short film, "Sight" ensconced on Laura Bilotta’s Single in the City blog about augmented reality dating and reading there about the call for developers to make apps for the new device.  We have concluded that in order to get any details worth reporting in a wingman app of any description, the software would have to access the massive database of personal information stored at Facebook, failing that Twitter, and after that Instagram.

The short film Sight was created by students Eran May-raz and Daniel Lazo at the Bezalel Academy of Art and Design, the film explores the potentials and hazards of Augmented Reality ‘wingman’ apps. But the amount of data that a male user is seeing could only come from a sophisticated social network like Facebook – no dating profile user is going to put that much information about themselves in a dating profile.

An AR enabled speed dating event however encourages everyone to participate in the tech exercise. Sure there’s the usual wine and cheese and the usual long table with men on one side and women on the other, but this speed dating event is very different. Our Meetup is a smart phone powered free WiFi enabled occasion; app users also need to enable the audio speaker function and share a headset – cool huh? Like the two dogs in the Disney movie Lady and the Tramp eating the spaghetti. 

Everyone’s smart phone must download the AR app, they then sign in using their Facebook profile, which will then comb through their Facebook profiles for mutual interests. So when the app users meet the program will use audio (voice track) to help them more meaningfully explore their commonalities in the few minutes they have together.

Which oddly enough is a bit like Facebook stalking each other at the same time, in person. Whatever.

So let’s walk through this…  At the AR speed dating event, using the technology, the two app users would meet for the first time and rather than exchange pleasantries about their jobs and lives and career aspirations etc. all these boring details, private details, the app would instead remind them both of a café in a remote city where they both ate once, years apart (as per Facebook), and ask them to recall the best thing on the menu, or anything they can remember about the place. In this way, their true personalities are more easily discovered and the exchange is altogether more meaningful. 

The program would also streamline the path for follow-up encounters by suggesting ‘equal distance’ restaurants or other suitable meeting places (maybe some sponsorship opportunities here) and just as it paved the path to friendship, it’s a safe perishable conduit that’s easily terminated by one or the other party if they do not like each other after their first date.

It’s a far cry from what’s possible with the contact lens powered equipment seen in the short film "Sight", but its safer too – it’s a simple Facebook API powered AR solution.  Developers? Are you working on this? Please comment below if you have ideas about creating a dating AR interface.

Politics, Love, Trumpites and Dealbreakers

So... Donald Trump is the president elect.

Now imagine going on a first date with a Trumpite (Trump supporter) and not knowing that they are a Trump supporter when you agreed to the first date on POF, OKCupid or whatever personals website you use.

Depending on your political leanings, someone being a Trump supporter might be a Dealbreaker for you. (Dealbreakers are things you learn about a potential mate that cause you to want to dump them immediately. After all if you spot something wrong with them that will ultimately ruin the relationship, don't you owe it to yourself - and them - to break it off immediately?)

Or maybe you really love Trump (which makes you a Trumpite) and dating a fellow Trumpite sounds like an exciting prospect to you. And dating a Hillary supporter or any other sane person messes with your insane-Trump-loving brain.

Thus there a number of things people should check before they even go on a first date.

Possible Dealbreakers

#1. Are they a Trumpite?

#2. Are they a smoker?

#3. Are they an alcoholic or a drug addict?

#4. Do they support a woman's right to choose?

#5. Are they an omnivore? (Because dating a vegan can sometimes be a dealbreaker, while some vegans refuse to date omnivores.)

#6. Are they poor? (For golddiggers, this can be a dealbreaker if they only want to marry a rich person.)

#7. Are they gainfully employed? (For people who want to avoid golddiggers, this can be a dealbreaker if the other person doesn't even have a job.)

#8. Do they have any STDs? (Seriously, people need to be more upfront about this.)

#9. Are they a racist bigot / anti-semite / sexist pig? (Although the difference between this and a Trumpite is very little.)

#10. Are they just really stupid and stupid people annoy you? (Again, Trumpites...)



In other news, here are some amusing Trump memes.

Five Tips for Restaurant Dates

Tip #1. Never take your date to a fast food restaurant where there is a high chance the staff spit on the food. The only saliva in your date's mouth should be yours and theirs. Find a place more upscale where you are expected to tip the waiter.

Tip #2. On a first date men and women should do two things:

(1) Split the bill at the restaurant; (Arguably the best way to split the bill is to bring cash, although some people prefer debit or credit. Bring both.)

(2) Understand that if a man pays for everything and then expects a woman to automatically have sex with him, that basically makes her a prostitute. By splitting the bill (going Dutch) it also makes it clear the woman is interested in the man, and not in his money. If the man pays for everything and becomes really pushy about having sex, that coerciveness technically makes any sex that follows to legally count as "date rape". Smart women pay half. Smart men who want to be loved for being themselves, and not resort to paying for sex / date rape, should also pay half. And if a woman doesn't like it when a man wants to go Dutch, that woman is a golddigger and not worth dating.

Traditionalists may not want to hear these things, but hey date rape, prostitution, and golddiggers are all very traditional.

Tip #3. Chivalry isn't dead. Pull out the chair for the lady and help her out of her jacket. Chivalry is one tradition worth keeping.

Tip #4. Tip the waiter. Even if the service was bad.

10% for bad service.
15% for good service.

Tip #5. Polite dinner conversation. There are certain topics you should never discuss at a restaurant while on a date. Politics, religion, abortion, alien conspiracy theories, dead animals, murder, etc. If those topics come up by accident don't avoid the topic, but steer the conversation elsewhere.

Marriage and Popping the Question

By C. M., September 2016.

Last month I got married. Of all the long term relationships you can get into, marriage is the big one.

Thus popping the question about the big one should likewise be important.

My bride and I had discussed getting married and having kids multiple times prior to the rings, the preparations, the vows, etc. So when we finally decided to get married I never actually got down on one knee. Nor was I nervous about whether she would say yes. Having discussed the matter as a couple many times I was 100% certain this is what she wanted.

We discussed what kind of ring she wanted in a store, and I went there one Friday and made the order for a ring in her size.

We also discussed what kind of ring I wanted, and she later ordered it in my size online from a shop on Etsy. (I was rather peculiar about the kind of ring I wanted and I had to search online before finding one made of wood/titanium.)

Once the rings were on we started making preparations, choosing a wedding date, deciding where to get married, where to have a meal afterwards, the reception, how to decorate for the event, where to have our Honeymoon (Montreal), what to do about the cat while we are gone on our Honeymoon, etc.

I should note however that this was not my first rodeo. Nor my 2nd.

I was first engaged to get married when I was 20. Got the ring. Proposed on one knee under a blossoming apple tree. Cancelled the whole thing when I found out she was a psychopathic liar. Yada yada yada, she is crazy and I want nothing to do with her.

The second time I was 26. I was more cautious about getting engaged that time around. Never got the ring. Never got down on one knee. Discussed getting married many times, made plans to get married while we were traveling overseas together (we wanted a traditional Korean wedding with the Hanbok et al, which is unusual because neither one of us was Korean), and we had discussed getting remarried in different traditional weddings for each country we traveled to...

Which is a fun idea I still like. It would be like visiting Vegas and renewing our vows there with an Elvis impersonator.

But alas that second time was not to be. While I was cautious about that relationship, I think I was wise to be cautious. She had no career goals and as time went by we drifted apart. I had no interest in marrying someone who didn't have aspirations to do something for a career, and she had developed a horrible gaming addiction. As far as I know she is probably living in her parents basement by now, playing video games all the time. That relationship also lasted seven years, to the point that we were practically married anyway and the final breakup was more like a divorce but without all the lawyers.

So when it finally came time to try again (3rd time is the charm) I was 37.

Took my sweet time finding the right one.

And yet never popped the question. Not really. Just discussed it a lot and then got the ring.

I should note that she did not tell her mother or anyone else we were getting married until she had the ring to prove it. So I guess me coming home from the store with the ring (and the warranty) was "the moment" it all became real.

I know other people have done it different ways.

1. My cousin proposed to his wife while rollerblading. He wore kneepads while rollerblading, so he didn't hurt his knees when kneeling.
2. A friend of mine proposed on Valentines Day. Rented a fancy hotel room. Sprinkled it with rose petals, bought champagne, spelled Marry Me using rose petals, the whole deal.
3. Another friend proposed at his then-girlfriend's birthday party, in front of her parents. Prior to that she had adamantly declared that she would never get married and said she did not believe in marriage. Apparently his plan worked, they are now married.

So there are a variety of ways to go about the whole process of "popping the question".

• Outdoors Vs Indoors.
• Private Proposal Vs Large Event (eg. Family Event)
• Romantic or Somewhat Silly

And then there are those idiots who propose at baseball games in front of a large crowd and a television audience of millions. (I wonder what percentage of those proposals end in her saying yes on television and changing her mind later on...)

There should definitely be some places you never propose...

#1. Never propose at a funeral.

#2. Never propose at someone else's wedding or birthday, etc. (Someone other than your intended bride.) Why? Because you are taking the spotlight away from the people who are actually getting married or from their birthday, you dolt!

#3. Never propose while one or both of you are drunk, high, heavily medicated, super tired (prone to suggestion), etc.

Lastly...


THERE IS NO REASON WHY THE WOMAN CANNOT PROPOSE TO THE MAN.

No seriously. It is not a real tradition that the man has to do the proposing. Women have been proposing marriage since the dawn of marriage. Heck, it is probably women who came up with the whole idea of marriage - which is essentially a social contract to ensure the man doesn't ignore his parental responsibilities to his wife and kids.

Modern marriage also allow for same-sex marriages, so that when they get married they have parental custody and responsibility of their kids, whether they use sperm donors to get pregnant or adopt a kid, marriage is ultimately the cornerstone of having children and making sure they are provided for.

Now while some people do have childless marriages, the core principle and purpose of marriage is to try and form a "family unit", which can take a variety of shapes and have many types. Some childless marriages could simply mean they are trying to adopt. Or perhaps they are hoping to live vicariously through their nieces and nephews. Who knows.

Thoughts on any of the above? The comments section is below.

The Girlfriendzone

Jian Ghomeshi, the Sexual Predator and why "Not Guilty" does not mean Innocent

When meeting new lovers, especially via online personals, a common thing women do is try to assess whether the person they are meeting is a sexual predator or a violent offender.

Jian Ghomeshi is both, admitting to both choking and slapping women, and then claiming that it was consensual. And yet five women, all women Jian Ghomeshi partnered with in the past, all say that he choked, slapped and physically abused them.

Victim #1

Victim #2

Victim #3
Victim #4

Victim #5

And there are two more women who came forward with allegations, but the crown prosecutors decided their stories lacked enough evidence to hold up in court. So really there should also be:

Victim #6

Victim #7.

Plus any other victims who decided not to come forward. 90% of sexual assault victims never come forward. Mathematically that means there is likely 70 victims total and only 7 decided to come forward.

Then you have the friends and co-workers of the women.

Five victims multiplied by the number of people who witnessed bruises, listened to the stories of his victims, and even people who witnessed the abuse first hand but for whatever reason did nothing.

The sheer amount of testimonial evidence against Jian Ghomeshi is staggering, and yet, earlier today he was declared "not guilty" because of a technicality. Two of the victims had communicated to each other and compared what had happened to them, which the judge felt tainted their stories in what happened, and that cast suspicion on the matter of reasonable doubt.

In July 2014 Jian Ghomeshi revealed that he had a teddy bear named Big Ears. He said the bear helped him deal with his generalized anxiety disorder.

Note - Generalized Anxiety Disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can't stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school.

Symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder include uncontrollable anxiety, frustration, anger issues, inability to relax, violent outbursts, feeling of being overwhelmed, difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping, muscle aches, jumpy, restless, sudden mood changes, nausea, diarrhea.

Oddly enough the violent outbursts listed in the symptom is considered by some to be helpful, letting the person with GAD release some of their anxiety - which sadly means they might be taking it out on their victims. 

The teddy bear apparently helped Jian relax and reduced his symptoms, but it was by no means a cure.

Two of Jian's victims say that after being invited to his house and before he proceeded to assault her,  Jian Ghomeshi turned the bear to the wall and said, "Big Ears Teddy shouldn’t see this."

Wow. That is really creepy.

Also, it is the kind of thing people wouldn't make up.

Who would make up a story about being sexually assaulted and saying that their attacker talked to his teddy bear before he proceeded to assault them? Nobody would make up such nonsense.

Lets pretend for a moment that the women really did compare what happened to them, there is logically either one of two options:

#1. Both women really did witness Jian Ghomeshi talk to his teddy bear before sexually assaulting them.

#2. Only one of the women did witness Jian Ghomeshi talk to his teddy bear before sexually assaulting her, and the other woman embellished her story by adding that part.

There really is no third option, because nobody would make up a story about him talking to his teddy bear.

Logically this means that Jian Ghomeshi is guilty. However because the law doesn't always follow the rules of logic, he was found not guilty due to a technicality - which goes to that whole problem of reasonable doubt.

Everyone know Jian Ghomeshi did it, he even admits to it, but he claims it was consensual. Except he has seven victims, 3 of which testified in the court case that ended today. In June a new court case will go forward with 2 more victims.

Logically, after comparing all of the victims and their allegations you start to see a trend, a MO (modus operandi) - which means method of operation. Serial sex offenders tend to change and refine their techniques over the years, often developing a pattern of operation.

In Jian Ghomeshi's case police and lawyers can see a very obvious trend. Get the women alone, slap them, choke them if necessary, and then sexually assault them. No mention of obtaining consent.

In Canada our laws concerning sexual consent are very clear. If the woman says no at any time, it means consent has not been given and anything that occurs afterwards is considered to be a sexual assault.

Multiple women said no. Multiple women came forward with allegations that they had been victimized by a creepy psychopath. And so far Jian Ghomeshi has escaped justice from 3 of those women.

Jian Ghomeshi is not innocent. That much is clear. Not guilty does not mean innocent. Not guilty simply means there isn't enough evidence to convict.

And this ladies is why you should worry about dating any person you believe to have violent tendencies. Jian Ghomeshi included.

Sexual predators are all around us. One in three Canadian women are sexually assaulted at some point in there lifetime, but that doesn't mean that one in three men are doing such horrible things. No, it is the serial sex offenders who have abused 70 or more women that are causing such problems.

Some sex offenders in the system are what should properly be called sex offender addicts. They are addicted to harming other people. It doesn't matter whether they only abuse 10 people or 500 people, they are all addicts.

And Jian Ghomeshi is now known to be one of them.

Before going out on a date with someone you have never met before you really should:

#1. Google their name. Find out if they have any past history of violence or criminal activity. Usually it will be in newspaper articles if they have done something truly violent.

#2. Check their Facebook profile. See if they are posting anything that sets off any warning bells or red flags (or even just general deal breakers relationship wise).

#3. Trust your instincts. If the person does seem creepy to you for whatever reasons, just drop the conversation and give up on them.

There are many more people out there, some of them are like Jian Ghomeshi, but chances are likely that most of them are normal, relatively honest and worth your time.