Hello!
I read your post from last month titled "If He Hasn't Married You By Now, He Isn't Going To" and it got me thinking about an ex of mine and how he was a complete jerk - and how there was no way he was going to marry me and how I should have known better.
Let me summarize.
- His name is Guillermo Aristizabal. (I know I know, Guillermo even sounds like a douchebag, and he is.)
- Guillermo Aristizabal lives in Toronto, Canada.
- We dated for four months and then he got me pregnant.
- I am pretty sure he got me pregnant on purpose too, as in I suspect he removed the condom on purpose in the dark and got me pregnant on purpose.
- When he found out I was pregnant in less than a week he cheated on me with my best friend and then dumped me.
- Guillermo then sent me all sorts of nasty text messages, encouraging me to get an abortion, encouraging me to commit suicide, calling me a slut and a tramp, etc.
- I did end up having an abortion because I did not want to raise a child alone and I definitely did not want to raise a child when he deliberately got me pregnant and might decide that he wants visitation rights, but the whole experience really turned me off dating older douchebag men.
Since then I have developed a system for only dating men who are NICE.
STEP ONE - Ask how often he visits his parents, phones his parents or otherwise communicates with family (including siblings and other relatives).
Guillermo Aristizabal almost never spoke about his parents/family and in retrospect I should have taken this to be a warning sign that the guy is a psychopath.
The goal of Step One is to only date men who are "family men", who spend a fair amount of time with their families / communicating with them.
STEP TWO - Ask to meet his family and/or friends.
I think Guillermo Aristizabal deliberately avoided introducing me to his friends and family. I even wonder if I was his real "girlfriend" or if I was effectively his mistress that he was sleeping with on the side. Hence why I never met any of his family or friends.
In retrospect that should have been a big warning sign. What kind of man dates a woman for 4 months and doesn't introduce her to some of his friends or family?
The goal of Step Two is to see how he behaves around his family and friends. Does he behave like a jerk? Do his friends secretly hate him? Do they imply jokingly or not that he cheats a lot? Basically this is a testing ground to see if he is secretly a jerk and see how much of his jerkiness comes through when he is relaxed and around friends.
If he doesn't want to introduce you to his friends/family, proceed immediately to step five below.
STEP THREE - Be deliberately super late for a date sometime.
This is to test his patience and anger issues. If he is super angry about you being late, this is a guy worth dumping.
Guillermo Aristizabal always got angry - or at least upset - if I was ever late for a date. He would start freaking out and having a temper tantrum.
Your goal obviously it to test his patience/anger and see how he takes it. A laid back "down to earth" man would not be so worried about you being so late, especially if he really cares about you. But a jerk will just be a jerk about it.
STEP FOUR - Don't be in the mood for sex for once.
Shortly before I got pregnant there was an incident in which I wasn't in the mood for sex and Guillermo Aristizabal got really upset that he was "wasting his time even being there", which tipped me off that he was just there for the sex.
It wasn't long after that incident that I believe he got me pregnant on purpose and then dumped me while he was sleeping with my best friend. (He told her that I had dumped him and that he needed consoling... which was not true, he was just lying through his teeth.)
STEP FIVE - Once you realize he is a jerk, dump him immediately.
Don't wait to do it at a better time. Just dump him immediately and stop wasting your time with him.
Don't do what I did and think you can change him, to try and make him into a better person. You can't. Once a jerk, always a jerk.
Just dump him and get it over with.
STEP SIX - Warn other women about dating this jerk.
That is what I am doing now. Hence why I keep using Guillermo Aristizabal's name. Warning other women to make sure they don't end up dating this jerk. He is a cheater, a liar, and a jerk. I hope he dies old, alone, and lonely - just like a jerk like him deserves.
