Funny Text Message Breakups
"You were mean to my cat so I am breaking up with you."
"I will give you two choices. Either we can break up or I can cheat on you. Pick one."
"I can't stand it when guys whine during breakups so I have decided to just stop talking to you."
"How do I block someone on my phone? Namely you?"
"I think you and I could have been friends in another lifetime. What say we just be friends in another lifetime okay?"
"I have decided I want to see other people who are more attractive than you."
"You aren't funny or smart enough. I need someone who is witty, not twitty."
"So... wanna have breakup sex?"
"I have concluded you never bathe and I can't date Pigpen."
"You are a sex god(dess) and I don't want to be in a relationship based solely on sex."
"I cheated on you and got a STD. I think we should break up."
"Remember how we discussed having a threesome with another woman? Well I tried it without you and I have decided I prefer women over men."
"You wouldn't let me cut your hair so I am breaking up with you."
"I am leaving the country and going to Splitsvanistan. Goodbye."
"You and me were never meant to be so I think we should forget it ever happened."
"I think we should make like a banana and split."
"Break ups are hard, but it is much easier for me if I just end it now via text message."
"You kiss like an overly friendly dog and now I have fleas. If you come near me again I am calling the pound."
"I wish we could reverse time and never go out."
"Monkeys kiss better than you do. Maybe you should date a chimp instead."
"I found your p*** collection. You are so dumped."
"I need a man who is more like Mr Grey. You and me are Fifty Shades of Splitsville."
"What does you, me and Ukraine have in common?"
"I thought you and I would never break up but that was before I found out you were a loser."
"How dare you make fun of Mr Darcy! He is the perfect man and you are a loser who just got dumped."
"Sorry I don't go out on 2nd dates with losers who get dumped on the first date."
"You broke up with me before via text message so I am dumping you via text message so you can see what it is like."
7 Great Romantic Getaways in Canada
Lover's Arch at the Hopewell Rocks in New Brunswick has to be one of best locations in Eastern Canada for geology lovers. Experiencing all that natural beauty is sure to bring a rock-loving couple closer together.
2. Le Grand Cru, Quebec
Enjoy dinner for two on Le Grand Cru. Cruise along lovely Lake Memphrémagog on this luxury excursion boat while you sip on fine wine, enjoy top-notch cuisine and take in the beauty that surrounds Quebec's Eastern Townships.
3. Banff Upper Hot Springs, Alberta
Experience the 1930s alpine charm at the Banff Upper Hot Springs in Alberta and go skiing with your lover as you take in the breathtaking views. Soak with your sweetie in natural steamy hot spring water surrounded by big blue skies and stunning views of the Rockies.
4. Reesor Ranch, Saskatchewan
Reesor Ranch in Saskatchewan's Cypress Hills offers a kickback cowboy experience perfect for any city slicker, especially couples who want to try something new and authentic.
5. Blachford Lake Lodge, Northwest Territories
Travel by dogsled – and take a turn at driving the dog team yourself – from Blachford Lake Lodge, near Yellowknife, NWT, to one of its heated prospector tents for an overnight camp out. Definitely more for couples who love a rustic getaway and a new experience!
6. Sonora Resort, British Columbia
The view as you fly by helicopter into British Columbia's Sonora Resort – one of the country's finest when it comes to marrying the best in wilderness and luxury – is catch-your-breath beautiful. Bald eagles and grizzly bears are often spotted, so keep your eyes peeled as you fly closer.
7. CN Tower EdgeWalk, Ontario
Toronto's thrilling new EdgeWalk at the CN Tower is definitely not for the faint of heart. But for couples (or even newlyweds) who love a good rush of heart-pounding excitement – and who have no fear of heights – this is a must do.
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