The Fake Out

Pretend for a moment you are meeting a new guy for a date.

You meet for coffee at a local cafe. You are there. He is there. You both seem happy to be talking to one another.

Then exactly 30 minutes into the date his cellphone starts buzzing. Its not a text, that would sound different. Its an alarm set to vibrate mode. He set an alarm to go off 30 minutes after your scheduled meeting time.

He looks at his phone and then back at you sheepishly. He avoids eye contact and says he needs to go home and feed his cat. Which is funny, because in his profile online he doesn't have pets.

Plus who gets up in the middle of meeting what might be "the love of your life" and goes to feed their cat? Or walk their dog? Or help their roommate move furniture.

Of course, it could also be an emergency. His brother just got in a car accident and is in the ER. Why then does he not seem more upset? I mean shouldn't he be acting upset if it was something traumatic? He should be spilling his coffee, swearing a bit, looking confused and in an hurry to leave.

But he doesn't.

Its because its all a polite little act. As if you're really that stupid to fall for it. He is insulting your intelligence. After all, if you call him on it later and say "How is your cat?" he will ignore the question, change the subject, or possibly even claim the cat died. Choked to death on an used condom.

Its all just an elaborate Fake Out to leave in the middle (or start) of a date.

However here is the thing... Men don't use the Fake Out. If men don't like you they just don't call, text or email you. But at least they stick to the initial date to see if they like you or not, because first impressions in the first 30 minutes aren't very accurate.

But women use the Fake Out because that is what women's magazines like Cosmo / Glamour and Women's Health all provide dating advice for meeting people online and one of the things they keep recommending is the Fake Out.

They might not call it by that name. But basically its any bogus excuse for someone to leave during a date. Usually its an alarm or a text message sent by a friend. When that happens the girl looks at her cellphone, looks at the guy, and then tries to decide whether they want to see him again.

This is especially common with coffee dates. Coffee dates are the result of people browsing for possible suitors. They want to meet the person, nothing expensive, and they want to be able to leave in a hurry if the other person is ugly, lied about their photos or has a really annoying laugh.

Now I admit, there are people out there who are uglier in person (thanks to older better looking photos and photoshop), and even do things like lie about certain stuff. That just goes with the territory with online dating.

But lets pretend there is nothing physically wrong with the person, and they're even handsome. They didn't lie. No annoying laugh. But in 30 minutes (or less) maybe it was all pleasantries and the person seems rather boring. Probably because coffee dates ARE BORING. Nothing fun or interesting ever happens during a coffee date.

But here is the thing. I believe in Karma when it comes to relationships. If you do horrible stuff to people, even little things, it will come back to haunt you. If you screen all your dates via coffee and use the Fake Out you will end up being lonely and bitter because nobody was up to your standards within the first 30 minutes of conversation. And those that were up to your standards, YOU weren't up to theirs.

After all, remember that men who aren't interested simply don't phone, text or email you.

Because lets say you meet a man who is up to your standards. Lets call him George. But in the same week that you met him George had 2 other dates.

Date #1 was with you. A boring coffee date. The conversation was good, but it was a buzzkill.

Date #2 George went to a movie with a girl. The movie was okay, but they didn't really talk much.

Date #3 George had a picnic, played frisbee and the two of them chatted for hours and it ended with a hug and a quick kiss.

Now what do you think is the chances George is going to call Ms Boring Buzzkill?

Zilch.

It doesn't even have to end with a kiss. Lets just say that if a man has 3 dates and only 1 of them had physical contact, pretty much guaranteed which one will be deemed having "physical chemistry".

Women look for physical chemistry too. Even during coffee dates, which is ridiculous because they're basing that on what is essentially a job interview. Physical chemistry has different names too. Sexual tension. Romantic Get-Up-and-Go. Zazz. Sparks. Whatever you call it, its the something special that two people feel when their hands touch and they get all excited.

However during a coffee date the only time your hands will touch is when you shake hands. Unless you take up palm reading, you will have very little reason to get some physical contact in there.

Without that physical contact, even in small amounts, you're just basing the other person's sparkiness on their visual appearance and body language/eye contact.

Which brings me back to the whole concept of Karma. If a person does something bad such as cheats / sleeps around, they're guaranteed that at a later point they will get cheated on. If they lie during relationships they will attract the type of people who also lie.

And using a bogus thing like the Fake Out may seem like a minor lie, but what happens when the tables are reversed and a minor lie comes back to haunt you. Lying can also be a slippery slope. If you start lying regularly eventually you will start lying when you know you shouldn't be. People will start to think you're a phony and a fake and only want you for sex, which means you will only attract other liars.

So don't lie. Don't use the Fake Out. Stop using coffee dates. Meet people for a fun activity and see if sparks fly.

When in doubt do a physical activity like rollerblading, ice skating, etc. Not cycling because its difficult to talk while cycling. Frisbee or throwing a football works very well.