5 Ways to Spot a Serial Dater

Note - I should also make a post called "5 Ways to Spot if your Date is a Serial Killer".

Anywho a Serial Dater is a person who goes on lots of first dates, but rarely has a 2nd date. Basically if you go on a first date with a serial dater you are just wasting your time because right away they have zero interest in having a relationship with you (because they are commitment-phobes).

Here is how to spot them and avoid them.

#1. Serial Daters love meeting people for coffee or tea. They don't have to spend much on the date, it has zero commitment (because serial daters are afraid of commitment) and if their first impressions are poor they can use a Fake Out ("Oh oh I just got a text and my dog is sick. I need to leave...").
So Lesson 1, NEVER meet anyone for coffee or tea. If they are so afraid of commitment that they cannot commit to a real date, don't even bother with them. They will just waste your time.

#2. Serial Daters love using the Fake Out. Any excuse for them to leave in the middle of a date and then never talk to you again. Often the excuse will be the equivalent of "My dog ate my homework." but more likely you will get the "My roommate just broke up with her boyfriend and I need to go console her."

People that use the Fake Out basically just want to meet you in person so they can see whether your photos were real and then have an escape plan if you are not up to their standards and/or they find you boring. So Lesson 2, never meet anyone for a date unless they are genuinely interested in you and it is clearly obvious in your communications together (email, text, phone, skype, whatever).

#3. Serial Daters don't like spending much time talking back and forth. They just chat a little bit and then quickly pop the tea/coffee question.

So Lesson 3, don't meet anyone right away. Exchange longer messages / emails first to see how talkative and interesting they are. And if they are genuinely interested in you they will want a more romantic first date than crappy coffee/tea. See Lesson 2 over again.

#4. Serial Daters are sometimes looking for one night stands. On the 2nd date... Sometimes the 1st date but often the 2nd. It is a weird phenomenon, but lets pretend you make it past the coffee date and they do want a 2nd date. The 2nd date will be something friskier and usually end up at YOUR place. Why your place? I think it is because bringing yoi home to their place sounds like too much commitment. Then you know where they live and can just drop by whenever you want and that sounds like commitment to them.

Thus let us pretend you convince them to have a date other than a coffee date (eg. You have a picnic at the beach instead and it goes well, and possibly includes kissing and light petting.) When asked about a 2nd date the Serial Dater will typically refuse to give a definite answer and will say "we can discuss it later" and then you never hear from them again.

But the other possibility is that they do want you for sex (at least once) and then you make it to the 2nd date, you have sex, and then you either never hear from them again or they give you some lame excuse for why they cannot see you again. More often you just won't hear from them again.

Now you might think "Wow, the pressure is on to make that one night of sex really good." and you are partially right. But if it is too good they might think you are some kind of weird freaky sex fiend, and decide you are obsessed with sex.

So Lesson 4, don't have sex on the 2nd date. I know that may seem counterintuitive to some people out there who love having sex on the first or second date, but trust me on this one. Do a really good job on the 2nd date, kissing, maybe some heavy petting - but stick to foreplay or less because you want to make them WAIT for the third date. Call it "playing hard to get", but if you can get them to go on the third date then BAM, third date equals commitment. (3rd date is also the best date to have sex too. Delay any longer and people get bored.)

#5. Serial Daters usually don't have a good track record of long term relationships. Often they just date date date different people, sometimes fill their loneliness with an one night stand and then go back to serial dating again. So how do you determine which people have a bad track record?

Lesson 5, ask the following questions BEFORE you agree to a first date.

When was the last time you had a long term relationship and how long did it last?

Your longest relationship, how long did it last?

It doesn't really matter how they answer these questions because they could be lying. What matters is what they do when they realize you are looking for a long term relationship. Any commitment-phobe who is remotely honest with themselves will come up with an excuse to cancel the first date so they don't need to meet you. The delusional commitment-phobes will still want to meet you because they are in denial about being a Serial Dater and like to pretend they want a long term relationship.

But hey, Lesson 5 should cut the number of Serial Daters you meet roughly in half.

Exercise and Common Lies people post on Personals

Ever read a profile on a personals website and the person lists the following as exercise activities they enjoy regularly?

1. Long walks (exploring the city, by the beach, etc)
2. Yoga
3. Hiking (implies long walks in the wilderness)
4. Biking or cycling
5. Weightlifting
6. Martial arts (any kind)

Chances are likely the following things are true:

The person rarely goes for long walks and are just saying that because they want the appearance of being active.

They probably so own a yoga mat, but it spends most of its time collecting dust.

They don't know what real hiking is and they are saying hiking because they think their ideal mate should be outdoorsy.

They own a bicycle but only ride it once in awhile - never on bike trails, never downtown, just 3 - 10 times per year on quiet streets or down by the beach.

It is typical guy thing to say they do weightlifting - it means they have dumbbells but probably don't use them often. Much more rare for women to say they do weightlifting.

Any time a man says he does martial arts it mean he took one class years ago and has probably forgotten everything.

EXCEPTIONS TO THESE GENERALIZATIONS

• They have actual photos of them doing these activities.
• They make a big deal about talking about the activity in their profile. (Yoga is my life, I cannot live without it!)
• They listed "yoga instructor" as their occupation.
• They are a rarity and were not lying about their activities. Otherwise you can assume most of them are exaggerating how often they do an activity.

In some cases it is the person lying to themselves. They WISH they were more active. Which is true for most of us.

Do's and Don'ts of Dating Vegans and Vegetarians

So... You're dating a vegetarian or vegan eh? Well here are some handy do's and don'ts for making your relationship go smoothly.

Do take your date out to various vegan / vegetarian restaurants on a regular basis. So for example if they're a raw vegan, take them out to a raw vegan restaurant like Rawlicious once in awhile.

Do not complain about the food when eating at a vegan / vegetarian restaurant. When in doubt, just order a smoothie.

Do make an effort to eat more vegetarian food when socializing with your date.

Do not start arguments by pointing out your date is wearing leather boots.

Do realize you will likely end up living in the Vegan Village in Toronto or some place similar if the two of you buy a house together.

Don't mock their food choices. Being a vegan or vegetarian is often an ethical decision for people and is practically their religion.

Do have picnics whenever the weather is good for it. Picnics can be a surprisingly frugal way of "dining out" together.

Don't make a big deal about things that are obviously an issue for them. Just stop worrying about it and be "easy going", "down to earth" and whatever other things you claimed to be in your personals profile.

Do avoid talking about food too much. Basically don't talk about it unless they bring up the topic.

Don't take them to a normal restaurant on a first date. Try to accommodate and show some interest in their food choices.

Do try to fall in love with them, not some idealized version of them.

Attractive Things Men Do

The more things that men do from this list, often without realizing they are doing it, makes them more attractive to women.

Proof that simply taking care of themselves in terms of fashion, cleanliness, and being nice can win points with women.

Dating Academic Cheaters

By Rebecca S. Mart


Why you should not date from cheaters, at the very least academic cheaters.

You have heard the old adage cheaters never prosper I’m sure. Well in the case of academic cheaters that use an essay writing company in Toronto it could not be truer. Not only are academic cheaters ‘not too smart’ in more ways than one, but the simple act of cheating can indicate some moral failings in a potential partner that are just not attractive.

Not Smart In The First Place

Let’s face it if you feel the need to cheat in the first place you must not be the smartest apple in the bunch and that's just not attractive. The need to cheat shows a lack of knowledge that only cheating can rectify. Back when I was in a Toronto high school I had a friend that was not too good in math. She felt the need to cheat on an algebra math test. She eventually got me to agree to cheat with her (I wrote a bunch of equations on the back of my calculator) and in we went thinking we had gotten one over on the teacher. So I am sitting down answering questions surreptitiously looking at the back of my calculator hoping that my teacher did not see me look. Then it dawned on me, I already know this stuff and looking at my calculator is slowing my down. I stopped cheating right then and there and never did it again. If you know it, you know it and you do not need to cheat.

Laziness Is The New Black, Or Not

Another reason to cheat is laziness. How hot is that? Not very. Too lazy to get up to do a little essay writing then too lazy to get up and help around the house, change that dirty diaper late at night and to lazy to make sure you are satisfied in bed. NO THANK YOU!!!

Not Smart Enough To Know That Cheating Will Not Help In The Long Run

If you have to cheat then you are not learning. Later on in life you will see the affects when you need to call on that knowledge and it is not there. I had a classmate in high school who was on the fast tract to one of the most prestigious business schools in Toronto, Canada. She was a serial cheater. She purposely missed class on test day in order to get the answers to the questions and then cheated on the test the next day. She had a 98% by the end of the year. The worst part was everyone knew she was cheating, even the teacher. But she finished the year and got in to that great school. Three months after university started this girl had dropped out of school and was working at the mall. That did not work out for her now did it? Do you want someone that works at the mall because they cheated on a test? Don’t think so.

Moral Equivocation

I can only imagine the moral equivocation that must take place in these people heads. Despite being told that it is wrong the cheat, that it is against the rules and could result in expulsion, cheaters still manage to cheat anyway. That takes a special type of equivocating that does not necessarily care about the consequences so much as the possible positive result of the act. I imagine that a cheater must say this to themselves:

“Well, it’s just one test, I’m not really hurting anyone.”

That can easily turn into “Well, it’s just one extra-martial affair, I’m not really hurting anyone.” Do you really want to take that chance?

Bottom line just stay away from cheaters. Nothing good can come from it.

An Essay on Cheating and Breaking Up

By Ai Lung Nguyen

If you have ever been cheated on then you know the cheating is often the biggest prelude to breaking up. Let me explain - in essay format - why this is.

First, cheating shows a lack of respect for the other person you are supposed to be in a romantic relationship with. It shows you don't respect the covenant of the relationship with them, that you don't respect their intelligence, and that you don't respect them to come to the realization you are cheating on them and then do something about it.

Second, cheating is a sign that the cheater is unhappy and doesn't want to be in the relationship. They would rather be with someone else, and therefore are sleeping with someone else. It is really just a matter of time before they decide to cut the cord and make it official.

Third, cheaters are often also big time liars. It is exceptionally rare for a cheater to be truthful about what they are doing. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is a liar? It is really just a matter of time before the lie is discovered and the lies pile up to the point that the proverbial relationship breaks.

Fourth, cheaters are cowards. They are too cowardly to "man up to it" and admit they are unhappy with the relationship they are currently in so they go seeking for enjoyment elsewhere. This cowardice is a vice that will ultimately lead to the relationship ending - often in a cowardly way, such as breaking up via text message, phone or email.

Fifth, cheaters suffer from a communication problem. They don't communicate their unhappiness, they don't communicate they want something or someone else, they don't communicate their own cowardice of the situation they are in. Lack of communication is one of the biggest factors that causes couples to break up (that and lack of sex).

Sixth, cheaters often cheat using sex - which shows that they are probably very sexually active (likely a nympho or satyr) and they only got into the relationship because of their sexual appetite in the first place. But now that they are in the relationship they have determined that the person they are with isn't really sexually compatible. For whatever reason (cowardice, habit of lying, etc) they choose to find a new sexual partner to replace the current sexual partner before they even breakup the relationship.

Taken all together a single act of cheating on someone shows a clear direction towards an impending breakup - or in the case of an unhappy marriage, a divorce.

A happy marriage that has cheating it in might well become an unhappy marriage, which again later leads to divorce.

It is rare, in my opinion, that a marriage is strong enough to remain "happy" after an event of cheating has occurred and discovered.

An essay on the foolish things girls do for a guy...

By Ai Lung Nguyen

I admit it.

I took up archery for a guy.

Okay, yes, archery is an awesome sport and everything. But the truth is I also wanted to get closer to a guy and thought spending $400 on archery equipment would help me do it. (His name is Micah and he is just dreamy to look at... and then I found out that he was in a relationship already.)

So now I have lots of archery equipment but have lost some of my nerve with respect to properly learning the sport because I feel like a fool. I am still planning to use the equipment and learn, but my reasons for learning have changed dramatically.

And now I am writing an essay detailing not only the foolish things I have done, but also other women have done so they can get closer to a guy they like.

Here are some examples (some of these I did myself, although I won't say which)...

Spilling hot coffee or tea on herself because she was trying to put on makeup in a hurry while trying to drink at the same time (multitasking with coffee is not as smart as people think).

Flying overseas to meet a guy she has never met in person - or even spoken to on the phone.

Having an affair with a married man in the vain hope he will leave his wife for his mistress.

Signing up for personal training sessions with a hot guy only to find out later that he is gay.

Getting in a car accident because they were browsing profiles of hot guys on Plenty of Fish when they should have been driving.

Buying an expensive gift for a guy you like even though you are not dating and have no idea if he likes you.

Misreading signals that the guy is interested romantically when in reality he is just doing his job.

And the list goes on and on. Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.

Almost half the list above I have done myself at one time or another. Shameful really. Or just plain embarrassing.

One of the worst ones women do I think is loan men money - or give them money - when then aren't even dating the man in question. This is worse if the guy is a bum / con artist who uses women all the time.

Fortunately I have never done that. But I have spent plenty of my hard earned money traveling and buying things (for myself) in an attempt to meet guys / impress them.

And I can only conclude I have been going about this all wrong. Attracting a man in the first place is 90% looks and body language - and 10% personality.

But keeping a man long term is roughly 60% personality and 40% looks. (Some people will no doubt argue about this ratio, so feel free to leave a comment below.)

I argue the 60 / 40 split because staying with someone over the long term (male or female) is going to depend mostly on personality and their compatibility with yourself. But physical attractiveness continues to play a role otherwise people are likely to grow bored of their mate and cheat on them.

Another thing I have done in the past is date men I found a bit unattractive (eg. overweight) and think that I can somehow change them into more attractive versions of themselves over time if I get them to exercise more.

Thus I admit, I did at one point buy a guy I was dating a bicycle. For his birthday, so that is not so bad as just randomly buying him gifts - and I was dating him for a good amount of time.

The problem however is that he never used the bicycle. He didn't really exercise. He was one of those lazy guys who thinks he doesn't need to exercise.

Over time I realized I could not put up with his lazy personality and broke up with him. His attractiveness was a factor, I admit, but his unwillingness to change, to be more productive with his life, his addiction to video games... well, it eventually just reached a breaking point.

So my advice to other ladies out there, don't date guys who have huge stacks of video games. It shows they have no ambition in life and would rather be a fat / lazy slob on a couch playing video games every day.

When I broke up with him I asked if I could take the bicycle back and he said "Sure, whatever." He had rode it once.

I have basically concluded that whenever I like a guy I should wait until I can confirm whether he likes me or not before even thinking of doing anything foolish for him. Doing foolish things just to attract his attention in the first place just seems to backfire instead.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day!

Here are some funny Valentines images I found recently - because anything about Rob Ford is automatically funny.

What single people do on Valentines.

March 15th - International Breakup Day

March 15th is the day on which the most couples break up (according to statistics gathered from Facebook relationship status updates).

What happens is after Valentines there is a sudden increase in breakups, culminating at a peak on March 15th - 29 days after Valentines.

Basically if one or both people screw up on Valentines the couple has 1 month to try to fix the situation otherwise many less-than-serious couples break up.

If they manage to make it to St Patricks Day (March 17th) then maybe all has been forgiven.

Another high point for breakups during the year is two weeks before Christmas - presumably so you don't have to get them a present, but it is beaten by a fair margin by the post Valentines breakups which skyrocket after Valentines and peak on March 15th.

I therefore declare March 15th to be "International Breakup Day".

Please feel free to breakup on that day - and be specific about it: "You messed up Valentines and I can't forgive you for ruining my fanciful and unrealistic expectations."

Because seriously, breakups 2 weeks before Christmas and 1 month after Valentines are evidently the result of unrealistic expectations and selfishness. So you might as well admit to it.

"I am breaking up with you because on Valentines you didn't get reservations."

"I am breaking up with you because you didn't spend enough money on Valentines Day."

"I am breaking up with you because I have unrealistc expectations of romantic gestures."

Notes

In the USA, Budweiser promotes June 2nd as National Breakup Day. According to Yahoo! Inc. however it is January 11th. According to Virgin Mobile it is February 13th (the day before Valentines)... Another source says it is April 9th.

But none of these have any statistics to back up their declarations. Thus March 15th makes much more sense, especially since Budweiser, Yahoo and Virgin Mobile are brands - but Valentines is celebrated internationally, even in non Christian countries.

5 Valentines Gift Ideas

If you don't get the right gift for your lover for Valentines you could be in for a nasty breakup (although to be fair, if they are insistent on a gift then they are immature and greedy).

Nevertheless, if you are in the gift giving mood here is 5 ideas!

#1. Archery Lessons / Archery Equipment

Thanks to Katniss and the Hunger Games, archery equipment and archery lessons are all the rage right now. Not just for women, but for men too. While buying archery equipment can be expensive (expect to spend over $300 if you want decent equipment), you can just purchase archery lessons from a place that provides the equipment for you. eg. CardioTrek.ca provides archery lessons in Toronto, with the equipment provided.

#2. New Bicycle

Nothing says romance like going for Spring bicycle rides together. If their old bicycle is broken, get them a new bicycle and they can sell their old bicycle on Craigslist. (So it is a bit like giving them a new bicycle PLUS some extra cash.)

#3. Dancing Lessons

Ah, dancing... Seriously. If they have two working legs you cannot go wrong with dancing lessons.

#4. A Thoughtful Gift or Big Ticket Item

This requires you to seriously think about past things they said they wanted. You really need to pay attention to figure that one out, but if you do and it is within your budget, absolutely get them it. Another option is the Big Ticket Item - which is usually for married couples. Big ticket items are things like...

"My husband got me a new car for Valentines!"

"The wife got me a pool table!"

#5. Stick to the Classics

The classics are: Chocolate, wine, alcohol, roses - and also possibly a gift card to a shoe store or a store that sells tools. When doing the classics you should try to nail down 2 or 3 different items so you put more effort into it. eg. Roses, chocolates and a gift card would be a good combo.

Things NOT to give them on Valentines... adult products for the bedroom (unless you know they're really into that sort of thing), lingerie (again, only if they are into that), books (unless it is exceptionally thoughtful), cash, pets, bad news...

Learning Your Lessons when it comes to Dating

One of the biggest mistakes people make in dating is not learning from their mistakes. They behave stubbornly, selfishly, they date the wrong type of person, they try to control the relationship too much, they get into bed too quickly or withhold sex too much, they nitpick every detail, they try and change their partner instead of accepting who they are...

But if they're not recognizing what they did wrong then they never learn from their mistakes.

Here is 3 Examples...

In 2000 I dated a young woman who was essentially browsing the local cuisine. She and I broke up and got back together 17 times in a period of less than a week. It took me years to later realize I was basically just sampling the cuisine too. She and I were too different, like fire and water. The lessons? #1. Don't waste your time if you're just browsing and #2. Don't waste your time with people who are quickly and obviously your opposite. Opposites may attract, but they don't make good lovers.

In 2001 a young woman moved in with me after less than a month. She later turned to be childish, spoiled rotten and unemployed. I quickly discovered I lacked the patience to live with someone who made me miserable and drained my financial resources. Lessons Learned? Avoid spoiled rotten gold diggers.

In 2004 I met a woman who was studying French and she became interested in me because I spoke French (C'est un beau langage!), however my advances were wasted on her because she basically just wanted free French lessons. Lessons Learned? Look for the clues that this person just wants to be friends.

The point I am making here is that you have to learn from your mistakes so you can avoid making the same mistakes over again. Older and wiser, I find my relationships last a lot longer and I have less worries about running into incompatible people because I am better at screening them for faults.

Christmas - The Relationship Breaker???

If there is one thing I have learned over the years it is that couples with shaky relationships tend to break up either before Christmas - or shortly after New Years.

Sometimes it might even drag out until Valentines Day, but chances are likely the relationship is over thanks to all the extra stress, expectations and sometimes even childishness when it comes to the Christmas season.

What if they don't give you a "good enough" present?

Did they not spend enough money on the gift? (Because apparently some people have monetary expectations.)

Did they not put enough thought into the gift, showing that they really know you?

What if you were expecting a lot more romance?

Did his / her parents like you? Did you like them?

And a whole mess of other things.

Christmas places so many stresses on the relationship that it is basically trial by fire to see whether the relationship can last or not. People who cannot cope well under the stress - and have childish expectations with respect to gift giving - and don't have a realistic expectation when it comes to romance, will be very disappointed if they are setting their hopes too high.

Compare Christmas with other times of the year and you see peaks of breakups 2 weeks before Christmas and 1 month after Valentines.

Jealousy Fuelled Rage and Temper Tantrums

To maintain the privacy of the individuals I have changed all the names of the people mentioned in this post.

I belong to a gaming group that plays Dungeons and Dragons. Now the first thing you know about D&D players is that they often don't have girlfriends. Well in this group they all have girlfriends - and two of the gamers are women and dating the other gamers.

The group is...

Genevieve, who is dating Peter and close friends with Angela.
Peter, who is the guy running the game and works as a doctor.
Angela, who is dating Locke, and a bit naive.
Locke, who is very overweight and very insecure about his relationship with Angela.
Plus me and three other guys, all of which have girlfriends.
As the group dynamic goes I am the jock of the group. I work as a personal trainer, and while I play D&D I am basically leaps ahead of the common nerd with respect to my weight and musculature. Basically I am a fitness nerd who can quote you how many calories activities burn depending on your weight.

Thus it was when I first joined this group that Locke immediately hated me and made a rude comment within he first two minutes of shaking his hand.

Why?! Because he sees me as a threat who might steal away his girlfriend. A girlfriend who is much more attractive than he is physically, but he manages to control her somewhat due to her naivete and his domineering personality.

Now I know she is atttactive, but just because a person is attractive doesn't mean someone else is automatically attracted to them. For my part I have known Angela since 2004 and in the last 9 years she has gained some weight, lost some of her attractiveness and while I might have been interested in her 9 years ago I am no longer interested in her. To me she is now "one of he guys".

But to Locke I am still a threat. To the point of jealousy and delusions.

Since joining the group last Winter he has sent me two ranting emails trying to intimidate me into quitting the group. He makes up such things like I slow the game down (completely untrue), that everyone else hates me (if that was true why is he the only one complaining?), and similar ridiculous claims.

Basically it is the kind of angry rants people tend to write late at night when they're feeling more paranoid than usual and their blood sugar levels are wonky.

Recently Locke decided to quit the group and pressured his girlfriend to quit too. This was followed by his most recent ranting temper tantrum email wherein he complains about me and tries to convince others I am a danger to the group.

In other words, he is making mountain ranges out of molehills so small that only a delusional person can see them.

I am no more a threat to the group than the plastic miniatures on the gaming table.

But I am a threat because he is worried might steal his girlfriend. She has to toe the line of his jealousy and delusions otherwise he will get really upset. And she is a bit too naive and he is too domineering for that to change.

Conclusions?

Seriously. Jealousy is like a form of insanity. Even when there is nothing there a person with insane jealousy can turn into an obsessive maniac.

I find the whole thing petty and yet funny. He lacks confidence in himself and is so insecure he sees every man who is more attractive than him as a potential rival for her affections. And he then goes to insane extremes and makes ridiculous statements based on his paranoid delusions.

And that frankly, is both hilarious and pitiful.

Fortunately not all nerds are as insecure and problematic as Locke is. Some of them, like the characters from the Big Bang Theory, can actually get girlfriends and have successful relationships.

But I admit that for the hardcore nerds - especially ones who are overweight and mentally off their rocker, it is pretty freaking rare.

Advanced Kissing Skills 101

Want to be a better kisser? Start by getting more practice and reading the list below so you can master the best ways to kiss.

Chocolate Kiss - Best done with a Mars Bar because there is caramel in that too! Just take a bite and French kiss as you would. Very silky smooth type of kiss, and can end up very messy. Extremely pleasurable, and even more funny! Perfect for a first date just after a first kiss, or something to do that's a little bit different. A must for anyone, best style of kissing ever!

Spiderman Kiss - It's just like in the movie. You kiss upside down, taking in both of your lower lips and do all those other kisses listed above.

Spitzer Kiss - What you do is when you are ready to kiss (or even while you're Frenching or doing any other kiss) is gently nibble and/or lick the parts just above or below your partner's lip. Now don't slobber all over your partner. Just give enough saliva to get them damp. This is very fun and romantic. It will also turn your partner on or in other words make them like the kiss more.

Lap Kiss - While your partner is laying with his/her head in your lap, lean over and kiss her/him. Your bottom lip will be on your partner's top lip, and vise versa. You can even French kiss while in this position. This kiss is a playful kiss, and it can lead to much more.

Carmex Kiss - If either you or your partner are not carmex junkies, apply a little carmex to your lips and feel the gentle tingle on your lips.

Muzzle Kiss - When kissing the neck of your partner, at one point blow air out of your mouth while pressing the lips down, creating the sound of some sort of... flatulence.! It should be ever so unexpected and quite interesting indeed.

Trade-off Kiss - One of you gets a cinnamon candy and the other a mint. One takes the cinnamon and the other the mint. While French kissing, switch them from time to time. Great fun.

Tongue Ring Kiss - What you do is, if your partner has a tongue ring and the two of you are French kissing, mess with his/her tongue ring while kissing and it gives your partner chills and excitement/happiness because a lot of people with tongue rings love that. Or if the two of you have a tongue ring have a tongue ring WAR! What you do is keep his/her tongue away from your tongue ring, while you're messing with their tongue ring. (NOTE: don't Tangle tongue rings together because that will be a disaster!)

Breath Kiss - In a hot moment - creates major anticipation - barely touch lips with lips slightly parted... then breath your partner's breath... moving heads slowly to experience different sensations... lips touching on and off slightly... it is a very teasing sort of kiss and builds passion tremendously.

Chew Kiss - Tell your partner to place their tongue deeply into mouth deeply... you VERY GENTLY "chew" on the back part of their tongue... do not suck. This will create a sensation in other places that can be very exciting!

Touch Kiss - You do this after you and your partner have Frenched or really kissed alot. What you do is just simply touch tongues - like the tip of your tongue. You may want to move it around but you don't have to. You don't do it inside your mouth you do it out in the open.

Underwater Kiss - Have your partner hold their breath underwater and when he or she taps you give them air.

Moving Kiss - Make sure a bed or couch or chair is behind your partner and when French kissing gently push your partner onto the chair or whatever is behind them. Very good for serious couples or just beginners.

Flavor Kissing - Put a piece of long lasting gum in your mouth (Hubba Bubba, Trident) just before you and your partner French kiss. While kissing pass the gum back and forth, and see how long it takes for the flavor to run out!

Chin Kiss - Hold your partner's chin with your middle, index, and thumb and tilt their head in the right direction. Continue to hold it as you kiss.

Suck Kissing - This can be a very seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner's lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.

Nip Kissing - This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your partner. While suck kissing, gently bite their lip, but be VERY gentle so as not to hurt your partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you've kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner.

Surprise Kissing - This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens.

Vacuum Kissing - This is a playful kiss. While in an open-mouthed kiss, suck in deeply so you're sucking the air from your partner.

Cordial Kissing - Take a sip of your favorite drink, either alcohol or something sweet, and then when your lips meet pour the drink in your partner's mouth. Only take a very small sip.

Butterfly Kissing - Put your eye really close to your partner's cheek and flutter your lashes upon their skin. You can also do this on their lips.

Melt Kissing - Pass an ice cube back and forth in mouth while French kissing.

Glow Stick Frenzy - Pass the mini mouth glow stick back and forth (same thing as melt kissing).

Tongue Sucking - When you have the chance to get really deep into your partners mouth, suck on their tongue as far as you can. Don't suck to hard, you don't want to hurt your partner. Otherwise it's very pleasing!

Sigh Kiss - When you first start kissing your partner gently lick their lips with the tip of your tongue. Then blow or sigh into their lips, causing a tingling feeling that will intensify your kiss for sure.

Pop Kiss - Use pop-rocks, great fun. You've heard of fireworks, this is an explosion!

Tongue Tease - When you're French kissing, if/when you pull back, and before your mouths meet again, you can flick your tongue up and down quickly against the other person who is doing the same. It's very teasing and fun to see how long it lasts. Its hard to resist going strong after a while of flicking.

You Are More Beautiful Than You Think

You REALLY Are More Beautiful Than You Think.

Which means that when you go out on dates you need to stop worrying about your appearance quite so much and start having more fun.

67 Ways to Save Money and still go on Dates

When you’re down on your luck cash wise, it’s not always easy to come up with ways to impress your date. Luckily, there’s still tons of fun and romantic things you can do that take little-to-no money—all that’s required is a little creativity. Here’s our 67 favorite ideas for cheap dates:

1. Browse the local farmers’ market.
2. Go on a picnic. All you need is a blanket, fruit, sausage, cheese, crackers and water.
3. Fly a kite.
4. Enjoy a romantic home-cooked meal.
5. Cook dinner together.
6. Go apple picking.
7. Give a massage.
8. Go to the beach.
9. Attend an open-air festival.
10. See an art-house movie matinee.
11. Build a snowman.
12. Have a barbecue.
13. Share a sundae.
14. Attend an art gallery.
15. Take a hike.
16. Go to a book signing.
17. Go for a bike ride.
18. Play miniature golf.
19. Attend a wine tasting.
20. Go fishing.
21. Go sledding (with a thermos of hot cider or cocoa).
22. Visit the zoo.
23. Rent a movie.
24. Pick up movie at your local library.
25. Drive go-carts.
26. Go window-shopping.
27. Invite friends over for board games.
28. Do a Google search for free things to do in your city.
29. Eat out with a gift certificate from Restaurant.com.
30. Drive through the country (especially good around Fall).
31. Play at a playground (swings and teeter-totters are fun!)
32. Attend a planetarium show.
33. Browse antique shops.
34. Go to an open mic night at a coffee shop or bookstore.
35. Volunteer at a favorite charity.
36. Attend a high school sporting event.
37. Watch Shakespeare in the Park.
38. Have an indoor picnic.
39. Star gaze (Orion is an easy constellation to spot).
40. Take a pottery class together.
41. Go bowling.
42. Play pool.
43. Go to the local community pool.
44. Feed the ducks at a local pond.
45. Go ice skating.
46. Go roller skating.
47. Play laser tag.
48. Play frisbee.
49. Go kayaking or canoeing.
50. Skip rocks at a lake.
51. Watch a meteor shower (here’s when they happen).
52. Attend a local high school, community college or university play or musical.
53. Go camping.
54. Play basketball together.
55. Visit a botanical garden.
56. Go spelunking (but be careful!)
57. Get a cup of coffee together (hopefully at a spot that offers free refills).
58. Take a factory tour. Breweries that offer free samples are especially fun.
59. Take dance lessons at a local community center.
60. Visit local historic landmarks.
61. Put together a puzzle.
62. Carve pumpkins (around Halloween).
63. Go strawberry picking.
64. Attend a flea market or swapmeet.
65. Check out yard sales.
66. Assemble a model airplane then fly it in a park.
67. Go out for brunch (cheaper than dinner).

Dating doesn’t have to be expensive. Often, your date will be more impressed with a creative dating idea than they will if you spend lavish amounts of money on them. So get creative, save money, and have fun!

Should I Text Him Flowchart

Interested in a guy and want to send him a text? Follow the flowchart to find out whether you should.

A Good Boyfriends knows what to do...

A good boyfriend should know when he is wanted.

Except men are not psychic.

A good boyfriend should know how to treat a girl.

A bit like how you treat your mother, except you get to ogle her breasts.

A good boyfriend should tie your shoes for you once in awhile.

Just because it is so cute when you do it.

A good boyfriend should behave like a prince...

Except in the sack, when the girl is expecting a beast.

A good boyfriend should know the endings of every movie containing a Disney princess. And Beauty and the Beast. And The Princess Bride. And Pretty Woman. The list goes on.

But don't expect him to know the ending of The Hunger Games Trilogy or the Twilight Trilogy. Some things are just not in his repertoire.

A good boyfriend should know how to give you a piggyback ride.

And know when to set you down when you start getting motion sickness.

Sometimes boyfriends also make good chairs.

Good boy!

The Coffee Date - Poetry by Maria Jones-Statham

The Coffee Date

I sit in the coffee shop and wait
Always waiting
I look at my watch
I look at it again 1 minute later

You're late

Is it because you didn't like my photo?
Maybe you thought I was ugly?
Or too tomboy-ish?

Wait, this is the right coffee shop?
There isn't another one across the street
Or around the corner...

My heart races as a man fitting your description enters
No wait, he is with someone
Minutes pass
I text a friend and keep looking at my watch

Finally there you are!
I can tell by your glasses and hair
You don't even notice me at first
I wave at you and you seem to look right through me...

For a moment I think I might be wrong
It isn't you...
Or maybe you will turn and leave
Pretend not to know me

But then you see me
Your eyes light up
I smile
You order a coffee and come over

You apologize for being late
I say it doesn't matter but inside my heart is twisted
You talk about the weather
You ask about my family
My work, my hobbies, my interests

Awkward silence and even more awkward conversation
You keep looking at your watch
I catch myself looking at mine

Well this was nice meeting you say
Yes, nice meeting you
My heart sinks like a rock in a bottomless pit

Would you like to meet again I blurt out
I will call you later you say

But you never call

And I really didn't expect you to I suppose

It is so hard to meet people

I go home and pet my pussy, literally and figuratively

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop meeting men
You know, buy a vibrator, get more cats, stop shaving my legs

But then I see the happy couples in public
Holding hands, kissing, touching

And I realize its not sex I am craving
Its companionship
The kind a cat or a dog could never give

So I go on Plenty of Fish and I see a new you
You seem nice...
Attractive, interesting hobbies...

We agree to meet
Coffee?
Sure, I love coffee

I sit in the coffee shop and wait
Always waiting
I look at my watch
I look at it again 1 minute later



By Maria Jones-Statham

March 2012

The Pre Date Phone Call - Screening your Dates Beforehand = Judgement Time

Ah, the good ol' pre date phone call.

Ever done this?

Basically the person you are planning to have a first date with wants to hear the sound of your voice and have a conversation to see if you are compatible.

For me this is a great way to weed out people I would find exceptionally annoying to talk to in real life.

I will cite a specific example here:

"Samantha" called me up while I was having a texting conversation with her. Apparently she was getting impatient and wanted to speak with me right away. I didn't even get to finish my text about zombies. Oh well.

During the ensuing phone conversation I began to notice a number of annoying traits about this woman.

#1. She got upset way too easily, over even minor things. (Which means it is really easy to push her buttons.)

#2. She came off as a bit of a braggart and egotistical - which is never a desirable trait. (I am not perfect either, but I do have a decent sense of humility.)

#3. My talkativeness made her anxious and annoyed - as did my apparent ability to guess what she was about to say next. (Honestly, I have gotten very good at guessing what people will say next. If that is my superpower it is apparently an annoying one.)

#4. My impression was that she was both a hypocrite and very judgmental, stating that she doesn't like judgmental people - and yet was being judgmental herself. When I pointed this out later on she got very upset. And when I explained that "Everyone is judgmental all the time. When you pick up a piece of cheese you are judging whether it is good to eat." she tried to argue that people aren't constantly judging everything they see, hear, smell, etc. At which point I explained yes they are. Because their brain interprets the data they receive from all the senses / etc and then makes a judgment call based on what it knows already. "This cheese smells like bad cheese. Time to throw it out because I think it has gone bad." The cheese has been judged. Even if the cheese smelled good then it would still get a judgment, but then it would be a positive one. "This cheese smells good. Time to make grilled cheese sandwiches!"

By the time I had determined #4 I knew this woman was not for me - in fact I daresay she is probably a mental headcase who is not ready to be dating anyone for a long term period.

How do I know this? Because the conversation was reminding me of an ex I had several years ago who was so judgmental and argumentative that I eventually broke up with and the reason I gave for the breakup was because I was extremely unhappy whenever I was with her.

I am serious, she was making me miserable because I couldn't have a normal conversation with her without her starting an argument. (So if I was already getting this from a mere 50 minute phone call then it was a pretty bad sign this woman was not for me.)

I think it might have something to do with my parents arguing a lot when I was a kid - argumentative people, the kind who deliberately argue for the sake of arguing, really grate on my nerves.

Which is why I contend that Samantha (and other extremely argumentative women like her) are not suitable for dating anyone. No one. Period.

Same goes with men who have the same sort of personality.

Now you might think "Oh but it takes two to tango. You can't have an argument if only one person is arguing."

Yes, you can. Both my parents have done it many times and I have personally witnessed it many times. It only takes one person to start an argument - and then just need to be in a deliberately argumentative mood.

As opposed to a person who is simply argumentative ALL THE TIME.

What it makes me realize is that there should almost be some kind of CONVERSATION ETIQUETTE that we can teach people in order to make them socialize better and lead them away from their argumentative tendencies.

For example things like "Don't bring up politics, religion or abortion."

However at the same time if those topics are such a big deal maybe it is better to get them out of the way in an hurry. Get it over and done with. Rip the bandaid off in one swift motion.

This is why "Judgement Time" (as I like to call it) or the "Pre Date Phone Call" is such an awesome way to screen potential dates.

Especially if you realize the person on the other end is an egotistical braggart / hypocrite and you start deliberately pressing their buttons.

Which I wholly admit to. Near the end of the call I was deliberately (but politely) pushing her buttons to make her realize what a hypocritical jackass she was.

I can be a jackass too, but at least I admit to it. It is the phonies that irritate me.

Being judgmental is NOT a bad thing. Making judgment calls about potential romantic partners just means you are trying to gauge people and then make a decision. There is nothing wrong with that.

However I will say that you should never judge too quickly. Wait and see first. When in doubt you should always try to test out whether the other person truly is the jackass you suspect them to be before giving them the proverbial boot.